Why is it the girl who has sex once without thinking get pregnant by accident? Or the girl who wants to wait a year because she just got married? Or the girl who has a 15 year old and wants to be done already? Or the girl who lives with her mom and two kids, smokes and drinks 60oz of soda a day? Why does she get pregnant? Why does the girl who lost custody of her first two get to have one. after. the. other?

Meanwhile I have sacrificed so much. I have lost 60 pounds, sold everything I have to afford fertility treatments (houses, cars), had two major abdominal surgeries, fought to get pregnant, but then lost him only 13 days after birth, only to start over and have a miscarriage. Just when I think "Ah, this is it. Our family is coming.", it's ripped away from me. I've changed every aspect of my life to make this a reality and it's always just beyond my finger tips. It's not fucking fair. I've never wanted anything this bad.

The fertility nurse said it doesn't look good this month but "miracles happen every day".

Oh? Oh do they now? Maybe for her, and hell, maybe for you too, but not for me. I have to earn every win for every battle every month. (3 years and counting) If miracles happened, she'd be out of a job.

Of course when I got home, an invitation to my best friend's baby shower was waiting on me. Time to put on a happy face. I can't wait to watch her get everything she never wanted. I can't wait to hear how some god has a plan, some destiny, there's some reason, it'll happen blah blah blah. I get they have no idea what to say, but please don't insult my intelligence by saying my 13 day old son suffered because of some plan. That was apart of the plan. There's no excuse for that. There's no excuse for this sufferring. None. And that's probably the hardest part.

Anybody feel like they got the short end of the stick?