how to deal with sexual assault?

Question

I had always been so confused why some women put up with being sexuallyabused.i couldn't understand why they wouldn't report it to the police and have the person held responsible. That was until this month. I was sexually assaulted  3 times and can't tell anyone. I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't shake this feeling that I could have done more to prevent it. I always believe this guy when he says that he is sorry and won't do it again, and just tell him that 'it's fine' when I am not fine. 
I feel like if I tell someone, I will be ruining his, his kids, and his wife's life, and also my boyfriends. I have never in my whole life felt so alone. I can't think straight, I feel disgusting, and I am struggling to show much emotion to anyone. Has anyone ever been abused and not told anyone? How do you get them to stop? I have to see this guy most days. 😓

Answer

I was raped at the age of 13 by a 15 year old lad. I never told anyone and dealt with it by myself for 8 whole months. I carried on going to the same school as him even though I tried to stay off as much as I could. I had to catch the same school bus as him. His sister was my best friend and I couldn't even tell her. I felt vile, disgusting, I blamed myself over and over again. He messed with my head about it for the whole 8 months. It ate away at me, I got to the point where I was so close to taking my own life. I turned to self harm, tried overdosing, i even tried drowning myself because I couldn't cope anymore. It was killing me more and more each day. My mum was getting depressed seeing me in a state and not knowing what was wrong. Eventually I wrote her a letter one day when I was off school. I left it on the kitchen side and I ran away from home. I explained everything. She was a mess knowing that I'd dealt with it for so long on my own. Half my family didn't believe me because I'd left it so long but that was because they'd never been in that situation. I was terrified to speak up about it. Everyone's reaction was 'well why didn't you scream for help when it was happening?' I froze, that's what happens. It's as if the world stops for awhile and you don't know what to do. My mum reported the monster to the police and I got interviewed. He got away with a smack on the wrist but is on some kind of register until the day he dies so he can't work with kids at all throughout his life. I'm glad I can now speak openly about it without being scared and afraid. I would advise you to speak to your boyfriend about this. It'll only eat away at you if you don't say anything. Your boyfriend would support you if he truly loved you and he'd help you through this horrible time. I wish you all the best x

Answer

My ex husband did when we were married and I only told a couple people but I still regret it to this day that I didn't tell anyone. If this guy is so easily doing it to you, he could do it to someone else too. Telling would be the best thing, but I understand the hesitation. I worried with mine and unfortunately I just learned to live with it. I still have nightmares, though, and sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have them if I said something.

Answer

Find someone you trust, anyone you trust, and tell them. If they don't do anything to help you, move on and tell someone else you trust. Continue to do this until you get the support and help you DESERVE.  Even if you think you don't need or want it.

Answer

Is this someone you work with? If so, is there anyone in your workplace or place that you guys have to be together (if that makes sense) that you could confide in about it? Because you never know, he might have done it before on numerous occasions and just knows how to play you with emotional blackmail. 
You confiding in someone might encourage other victims (I'm sorry for using that term) to come forward, from which point you could build a case (if that's what you want).

Otherwise, if you having a loving and trusting relationship with your boyfriend, then I would encourage you tell him.

You could do it in the presence of a counselor if you feel more comfortable. You shouldn't go through this alone (nobody should). Also, don't feel like you should be responsible for preventing it!! He clearly knows what he's doing and is manipulating you.

We're always made to feel like we're the ones who have to take charge of a man's behaviour, which then makes us blame ourselves. I've never been assaulted so I can't preach, but I truly am sorry about this for you and for anyone else who's been through it. 
Stay strong and remember that there is a large community of men and women who would stand by you all the way. ❤️

Answer

Youre not alone. Ive suffered physical and sexual abuse from a young age and have been raped and molested by multiple people. Until recently I was in a relationship with a girl who is 3 years older than me. We were together for 2 years and shes done it all. Cheated, molested me, raped me, hit me, emotionally and verbally abuse me, controlled me, Ect. Unlike your situation, her and I were together. I foolishly chose to stay with her bc I thought I was in love.

I think one thing you should do is if you cant confront this person to make it stop and be safe, then get a restraining order. If you have no other options letting the police know (even though it will affect his personal life) is your best option. Hes making the choice to do this to you so he just might have to suffer the consequences. Just think that if he can do that to you what would stop him from doing that to his significant other or any girl he sees that he wants. It could save someone else the trauma you went through.

I would also recommend getting tested for STD'S or a possible pregnancy just to be safe.

Make sure you talk to someone like a therapist or find a program or group therapy so you can get through this. They will provide you with coping skills to manage and work through your situation. An emotional release is always a help. And bottling it all up inside only makes it worse bc youre avoiding it instead of getting through it.

Do things to take care of yourself and keep your mind occupied as well. Having hobbies and spending time with positive and understanding friends are good at keeping busy.

I hope my advice was helpful and you take it into consideration. Never feel like you are alone bc there are thousands of other women who have gone through the same thing!

how to deal with sexual assault?

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