Healing from Loss

I'm laying here healing from my D&C just not really knowing where to go from here... it all started at 6weeks. I had some spotting, so rushed to the ER since it was a weekend. They found baby's heart fluttering away and said everything looked good. Two weeks later, we had another ultrasound where everything looked great. At our 12 week OB appointment, the dr assured us that the US was showing baby growing perfectly with a strong heartbeat (but couldn't give us a rate). Three days later, I started spotting. I wasn't bleeding enough to fill a pad, so I didn't rush to the ER this time. The next morning, I went to my RN classes, took two tests that I did great on, and then went to the ER straight from school. In the ER, they did an US, and I knew what I had suspected for several weeks, even more after the OB appointment, which was that baby had stopped growing 3 weeks before hand. I chose to go home and wait for my body to take care of everything since I was already bleeding, but all week my body kept starting and then stopping the process. It was like my body just didn't want to let go of our sweet little one. I stayed busy with school all week, choosing not to miss a day since staying at home would mean lots and lots of tears. Yesterday, we met with an OB surgeon where he gave me some options. I chose to have a D&C ASAP so that we could finally get some closure. Since I had made myself NPO since the night before, they were able to get me in within a handful of hours. Between the anesthesia and pain meds, I tossed and turned until a couple hours ago, and now I'm wide awake. I know everything happens for a reason, but it sucks that we will never know what the reason for this was