8/8/2016 2344 hours

9lbs 2 oz 

My due date after ultrasound was 1 August. Zion did not show any real signs of wanting to come out so I was schedule for an induction on 8 August. I planned on doing everything natural but it just didn't work out that way. I went to the hospital at 0700 and started pitocin by about 0830-0900. I lost track of time for the most part but I was able to get to about a 4 when the nurse suggested an IV drug to help me sleep so that I wouldn't be too exhausted to push. I let her give that to me since the contractions were starting to feel more painful at that point. I slept about 2 hours with that and woke up drowsy and out of it. Gross! After a while I was at a 7 and the contractions were bad. I was still getting through them but not easily. They told me to move things along that they were going to break my water and that the contractions would be very intense and painful once they did that. The contractions were already on top of each other with almost no break in between because of the pitocin drop. Ouch!!!! I was out of it from the pain like completely crazy. Breathing through it and all the natural techniques people suggest didn't work for me. Anyways they said I should get the epidural right then before they break my water if I'm going to get it at all. My plan went out the window and I blame it on lack of support and encouragement. But I agreed to the epidural. They had a student giving it and I wanted to refuse but I was in too much pain to deal with it at the time. As soon as it was placed I laid back and my water broke on its own. I felt one side going numb but still felt everything on my right side. After about 1 hour it was completely worn off and I felt everything on both sides. The student anesthesiologist came to give me a booster and it didn't do anything. I was so upset that I even got anything and I wanted to take it back but it was too late I had already given in to what I told myself I wouldn't. I was feeling it all and I told the nurse so the student came back in and said she would give me some more and I refused and told her I wanted it out. At that time I was getting so overwhelmed with the pain of contractions and no break between them that I was in a daze almost. I was falling asleep pretty much in between the contractions when I did get a break. It was so bad that I felt out of it like the pain just took over my mind even and I couldn't even think. Like being half conscious. After about another two hours or so I felt like I needed to push maybe some pressure or maybe I was just sick of the pain and felt like I couldn't take anymore so I convinced myself it was time.  They checked me and said I was 9/10but there was still a little lip of cervix that needed to move out of the way. I waited a while longer and told them again and by then my midwife checked again and said she should be able to just hold that part of my cervix out of the way until she can push it behind the head. So they got ready and I got ready and I started pushing!! It hurt like hell but I wanted this over with. I felt like my insides were ripping apart. I couldn't tell if I was even doing anything with my pushes. I was trying so hard even though I thought I was ripping my vagina to pieces the whole time. They kept telling me I was doing good but I asked them if they could even see the head because after 5-7 minutes of pushing I was tired already. Everyone said yes they could see the head and my husband told me later he lied but was afraid I was going to give up if I didn't have some hope. So I kept pushing with all my might even through the ring of fire everyone talks about. It really does feel like your vagina is burning. I pushed and his head came out, I only knew because they told me, I couldn't isolate any of these feelings it all just felt like a massive pain party. I gave it another big push and his body came out. That felt gross and slithery to be honest. But like I didn't really know what was going on it all just felt like pain and ooey gooey gross sensations. I pushed for 15 minutes total. For some reason I didn't get that huge relief feeling everyone talks about. But when they pulled him out I just kept saying "Give me my baby." She handed him to me for skin to skin and I was just so glad it was over with. I didn't get my beautiful natural birth experience that I envisioned but I made it through with no tearing at all and a beautiful baby boy. It was honestly a great labor and delivery with no complications. We did learn at his two week appointment that he broke his collarbone during the delivery but for some reason they missed this when they did all the checks after birth. He is fine now. Another thing that was so much different from my first was the PP bleeding. I had a huge soft ball sized clot while in the hospital and it was scary with the big gush of blood before that passed. Then I bled for the whole 6 week healing period. I stopped at exactly 6 weeks.