Feeling my personality change cause of abuse 😇😈
When I was growing up I thought my parents were normal but it turned out my mum has a mental illness which isn't diagnosed and she has the symptoms of many things from bipolar to just being a psycho. She loved making me and my sisters cry and she always threatened to leave our dad and have a divorce but never did.
Every night almost she would come home drunk and pick on one of us, all for different reasons. My older sister cause she knew she always talked back and owned her so she could then lash out and hit her, with me she would alwayscome in and change the story and make herself look like the victim and make me chose sides ( all happening at 2am when I had work in the morning too and she was unemployed making me pay £600 rent every month for years and made myolder sister pay off her debts). When I didn't pick a side and simply said I wanted to sleep she would take the argument into my bedroom , slam the door , throw my things, wish death on me and do this horrible demon crazy cackle and when everyone looked at her like he was crazy she would turn around and say we are the crazy ones. My younger sister would be an absolute babe and come down and yell at my mum to defend me and always owned her and as soon as I cried or had a breakdown my mum would switch back and hug me and would never apologize and ask what the matter is.
Literally happened every night.
Luckily I moved out and so did my sisters, my mum did get people to spy on us before too which was weird but again that ended she's moved away now.
All the abuse left me feeling worthless and alone so I took to the internet to find friends and met guys online. Last year I started talking to this guy who lives in america and we ended up skyping , he even flew over at Christmas to see me and proposed..... Honestly he acted amazing. He complimented me all the time , asked how I was etc. He was only funny with me once cause he found out I smoked but I quit that before he got here in the UK to visit.
Skip a few months he already started to change a bit and make me cry over stupid arguments and would ignore me after for ages and I'd always go running back , I didn't see the early warning signs. In March I went to america to see him for what was meant to be two weeks.
We ended up getting married on the 1st April with his family there who I'd only known a week. It felt right I was happy cause I felt so so loved ....the most loved I've felt by anyone ever !! I cried of happiness.
I decided to stay in America and quit my part time job back in the UK.
He then started to change and completely got emotionally abusive and called me useless, worthless etc. He even once packed my things and told me to get the taxi and leave because I spent too much on a dress for the ball which happened through lack of communication. He would spank me, pinch me, twist my nipples till I cried , pin me down and wrestle me.. Set my hair on fire. alsorts.
Im now 25+3 pregnant with his son. He was disappointed cause he wanted a girl. I said I want a divorce I left because his temper got worse and he had a gun and I didn't trust that.
I flew home
Now .....I'm slowly getting on track , need to wait till November until I can get at money from the government to buy baby things.
The reason I did this post is because I would cry every night about what's happened but just now I felt something change , I didn't cry... Instead I just felt numb like I didn't care
I am seeking therapy I'm going tomorrow to the doctors to tell them about how depressed I am and fucked up my life is and has been, fingers crossed they can help.
If there's any thing you can say to help support me then I'd deeply appreciate it, even if you recommend me doing something I'll read it and consider it ❤❤❤❤❤