Am I being irrational??

Question

I have been married for 8 years, my husband has an 18 year old daughter from his previous marriage and for a very sudden situation came to live with us almost two months ago. Since I met my husband I've always known of his desire that she lives with him/us, I'm happy that she is now with him and has a much better quality of life with us, but my husband has no boundaries!, she always comes with us everywhere, the other day he even wanted to take her on a double date (of course I said no way and he seem to understand), we are also trying to have our first baby together and the other day he started explaining her that and talking about the results of his sperm analysis to her and I got super upset and I told him that having a baby wasn't s family project and she had no businesses knowing about that, again seem to understand, but still I feel like if I want to have some alone time with him I have to make an appointment otherwise she'll tag along. Those little things bother me, like I made the comment that I wanted to see x play, next thing he's asking her if she likes the theater and I had to jump in and say "just us", and he said ok. I understand that he wants to spend time with her because his ex kept her away for a long time, I have no problem that they spend time together bonding, but he doesn't do it!! Just takes her to school and picks her up or takes her to appointments, I'm the one doing the bonding, we go out for coffee, walks, salon, I'm teaching her to drive, etc. I have no problem personally with her but I wish my husband would get it instead of me having to complain all the time. I haven't brought it up because I'm not sure, maybe I AM overreacting, what do you guys think?? What should I do?

Answer

You do realize that's exactly how it's gong to be with a baby? It is a family thing. Your kid is going to have to go everywhere with you also and don't expect alone time. Your husband is just being a father which you should be thankful for.

Answer

Well I think you need to talk to him about it first, it doesn't sound like you have. But, you also must realize that if you are planning a family, that is how it's going to be for a ling time. Your kid/s will do almost everything with you and be around ALL the time.

Answer

Maybe he's just trying to make up for lost time with her. He seems very excited for her to be there and just wants the relationship he may not of had with her being held away from him by her mom. You said she's only been there two months? It's all still new for them, and you.  I don't think it will be like this forever. Just my two cents :)

Answer

She's your child now too.

Answer

Honey you are just being selfish it's not all about you!

Answer

Maybe ask him for one day a week tat you two go and do something and set up topics that are not ok to talk about.

He seems very very excited and I can't say I blame him. I'm not sure if you seem jealous but I wouldn't think any less If you were. You were the only female in the home and now a grown woman is placed in your home. I would feel a little unsure of my relationship because of how the family Dynamics have shifted so suddenly.

Have you thought about a girls day just for the two of you as well? She might feel like you are not very fond of her by holding onto your husband, but you have to remember he is her father.

Answer

She's only been home with him for two months it might just be he wants to spend all his time with the both of you. I'm sure he is also trying to avoid her feeling left out from what you two are doing. Trying to make her feel welcome and a part of your family. I do think it's important for him to spend alone time with her, but that will also mean you will have to be open to giving some of "your" time to her so they can do that. But of course its still important you both have your alone time. But just like if this was your child the time you both spend alone is going to decline. And that's just part of being a parent. Set aside a date night just for the two of you and make it a weekly thing. But your going to have to get used to shared time. Would you feel differently if you were her mother? When you do have a baby are you going to be ok with leaving it with a sitter every time you and your SO want to go out? Your a family weather your her bio mom or not and family means being together.

Answer

Creating and bearing a baby IS a family project! It affects every person in the family. He has a very comfortable relationship with his daughter and you should support that! If you can't, he will resent you for it. And I can guarantee he will choose his own flesh and blood over a princess who wants to boo-hoo.

Answer

I get it you are used to being with your husband alone before she came however things are different now. You have to accept that. Let him include her in family time. If she was your child you prolly wouldn't be complaining. I let my husband spend time with his child one on one or with us when he is around. Yes I love our alone time but the child comes first.

Answer

She's not really a child, so having adult conversation with her is normal, he wants to be close with her. I think that's great.  She should be involved in your lives. Why not spend alot of time with her, esp if she wasn't in a healthy situation prior and you might end up pregnant soon and the dynamic changes, this is her time with her dad and time for you guys to bond.

Am I being irrational??

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