Bringing baby home to jealous dog? advise needed ASAP

Question

I need some advise. I posted to another mom group and really got nothing but negative feedback so I'm hoping to possibly get a different response. Please no bashing I just really need some helpful advise. My husband and I got a dog literally days before finding out that I was pregnant (was told at the time it was a lab mix however as he grew up he was clearly not a lab at all, our vet confirmed he's a Rhodesian Ridgeback). I originally saw this as a good thing as I loved growing up having a dog around and wanted my kids to have the same experience, but now I'm not so sure. I know dogs are a commitment, and can't just be thrown away because they're inconvenient, and that's not at all what I'm trying to do, but I'm at the point where I don't feel safe in my own house, am scared to bring our daughter home in a few weeks with this dog in the house, and feel completely out of control of everything at home. Over the past months the dog has gotten more and more aggressive, to the point that he has lunged at my neck and very possessive of both myself and my husband to the point that one of our cats was injured simply because she was getting attention at that second and he wasn't, and I have been bit for holding my husbands hand. My husband suggests just keeping him in his crate all day long until he gets home, but that's not fair to the dog, and he freaks out and starts howling and whining and disturbs our neighbors. I'm really at a loss for what to do at this point. I can't leave him in his crate all day, but his aggression scares me especially when I think of him potentially getting jealous of the baby. (I'm very aware that dogs can sense fear and that may be what's making it worse lately but I think it's rather understandable as to why I'm scared) Unfortunately we can't afford an actual trainer to work with him as we're just barely scraping by right now and having to pay vet bills for the injuries he caused on our cat, but I have talked to a friend of my moms who trains dogs and none of her suggestions are working. I've tried walking him more but he doesn't do well on a leash whether we use a harness, a regular collar, and "choke" collar or a prong collar, and he'll end up either ripping the leash out of my hands or dragging me along with him which has resulted in shoulder injuries. The only real way we have ever been able to get him to go for a "walk" is letting him run off leash at the dog park, and we usually have to leave because he starts getting aggressive and jealous because other dogs go near my husband. I've tried playing with him more as well, but he doesn't like to play with dog toys, my husband taught him that playing means biting your arms and fighting and on some days drawing blood from the bites, and I'm having an incredibly hard time breaking that habit. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be one of those people who get rid of their dogs just because they have a baby but I'm genuinely scared of how he's going to react when we bring her home. Any advise on how to fix his jealousy and aggression is greatly appreciated. As well as advise on how to safely introduce a baby. My husband loves this dog more than anything and thinks he's a perfect angel since he doesn't see half the things that go on while he's at work, so I would like to give the dog a chance to be the family dog that I want my kids to have. But if it comes down to my daughters safety I will have to rehome. (I have a close friend who would be willing to take him if necessary, who has no children and the ability to afford proper training). Again, please no bashing, this is a hard enough situation.

Answer

Sometimes rehoming an animal is a good thing. I had a cat that I had to re home because he was terrified of everything in our house. He was very submissive and my other cat, our dog and both my boyfriend and I are alpha so it was an incredibly stressful environment for him. I loved my Marley so much but I felt like the only way he would have a quality life was to find him a new home. I felt like a failure and such a bad fur mom for giving him up because I have never wanted to do that. But I interviewed a number of different people and found him the perfect home 😍 she still sends me pics after a year, says he is super social with their dog and other cats and they love him so much!! It was a happy ending and it was the best thing I ever did for him! I still miss him but I felt like finding him the right home where he could be loved and not be in hiding all the time was more important than keeping him. It is a tough decision and it doesn't mean you don't care but sometimes it is what needs to happen for the family and the animal. If you do re home him just please please PLEASE make sure you interview the people, learn about them and their other pets and things like that. There are too many shitty people out there that adopt and abuse.

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I think that not all dogs fit every family. Some dogs just do not mix well with certain families. It sounds like this dog is really not a good fit for your family at all. I know your husband is attached but the dog needs to get along with all family members, yes even the cat! I could not bring my newborn home to a dog I myself did not trust or had been attacked by regardless of the situation!! Bad things can happen and very fast!!!! I would suggest  finding the dog a home/family that fits his needs better. There is no shame or even guilt in this choice as you are being a responsible adult who realizes that the dog is not meeting your needs nor are you meeting the dog's needs. I think your first choice of a lab would be great as a family pet! Good luck with your choice but hands down I would be finding the dog a new family.

Answer

I'm sorry I don't have suggestions about how to help introduce baby, but I will say it's clear to me you're doing everything in your power to give this dog a loving home.  I had a friend who went through something very similar and they even had the resources for training, but that still didn't work.  In the end they had to rehome the dog - but it was the best thing for the the baby and their dog.  I realize your husband loves this dog, but you certainly should've be uncomfortable. Especially if you'll be home with baby for most of the day while your husband is at work.  Good luck.

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This is hard because I feel as he doesn't want to get rid of the bog. But my main concern is your baby. If he can be aggressive to you and your cat than he will do the same to the baby. I would not keep him in a cage all day because all you would do is make him more aggressive. Tell him if he wants to keep the bog he needs to get a trainer. That's what I can advise you I know you guys can afford so it's either trainer or your baby. Put your foot down on  this.

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Without having someone there to work with you and your husband I feel.that you guys need to rehome him.
You can get all the advise in the world and unfortunately without seeing it utilized, I don't see it making a difference with you guys.
If someone you know is willing to provide a great home I would go through with it.
I advocate for rescues and forever homes, but not at the expense of being hurt due to inexperience of handling dogs with issues.

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Girl. I think you've done all you can do. If you don't have the money for a trainer (which isn't guaranteed to work) and you've attempted all these other methods on your own I think it's time to accept defeat and do what is best for your family. I have two dogs myself and love them to death, and I don't blame or judge you for thinking it is time to let go of this dog. If he attacks you and your husband, other animals, and most likely other people, you're right how can you ever trust him with your baby? I don't think you're being a quitter or a bad person. Some things just aren't meant to be. This dog obviously needs a lot of training and intervention and it is always possible it's a genetic thing (perhaps comes from a bloodline bred to be aggressive?). I think it's time you have a serious conversation with your husband and yourself. You guys have done all you can and it's time to think about your babies safety and your own! These aren't little nips, this dog is actively attacking you. And you're right, crate all day is not an option. It sounds like it's time to let this dog go.

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I think you're being very responsible. You can't have a dog that you can't control in the house with a baby. Absolutely no way. We have a dog, who was our baby for two years before we had our son. He's been wonderful and has adjusted but we would have considered rehoming if we thought it was dangerous at any point.

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Has he been de-sexed?

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I also think the best thing is to get rid of the dog, that breed is known for hunting. We don't want him hunting baby's. Maybe get a puppy when baby is born so they can grow and learn together. Good luck 👶🐶

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I think you should get rid of the dog, imagine if it went for baby or even you if it gets protective over baby. Get a new dog and train it once baby is here, so baby isn't a new addition