Controlling boyfriend or just concerned?

Question

I went to my bestfriends wedding yesterday and got drunk at the end of the wedding. My phone died and lost my charger in the mess of getting ready. (I was the made of honer)

My brother is staying in the same hotel as me. My mother went too and shared a room with me. She left the wedding early with my kids, so my brother drove me back to the hotel.

Was about 11 at night. I passed out and didn't call him.

My boyfriend stayed home for work. I messaged him on fb the next morning.

He went on a rant saying " you did exactly what I told you not to do"

Which was get drunk and lose contact with him.

He freaks out everytime I go todo something like this.

I am sorry I did not call him and made him worry.

But at what point is this to controlling?

He starts accusing me and questioning what I did, like I cheated on him. Its so frustrating.

I ended up leaving him, I hope I did not make a mistake.

Accepted Answer

I would be extremely worried if my SO & I had an understanding to contact each other at the end of the night & he didn't do so & wasn't reachable. I would be really afraid something bad had happened to him, & I'd be pretty annoyed if he had put me through that worry just because he wasn't responsible. But you might be right that you guys aren't compatible if he needs communication & you can't/won't provide that. (Not saying you're wrong, just that your priorities are different.)

Answer

OP, there's a difference between a partner being worried because you didn't check in and being controlling. 
 
Worried is, "hey, I'm so glad you're ok, but I was really worried about you last night. Everything ok? Did you have fun? How was the wedding?"
 
Controlling is, "how dare you not contact me! I knew my anger would be your fault! You must have been fucking around on me! You're a [insert his preferred demeaning name]."
 
I think you were right to leave, this screams abusive control to me.

Answer

You're probably going to regret breaking up with him. Honestly you must have some kind of problem if this very subject came up before you left and it was the very thing he asked you not to do. He knows you've got children with you too then you suddenly drop out of contact, if the situation was reversed, you'd be mad at him too. Controlling really 🙄???; sounds more like a legit concern.

Answer

I think when you are in a relationship there is a responsibility for both of you to let each other know where you  are etc and if you're ok as the other may be concerned or worrying. Personally I panic if my battery dies and my husband can't get through to me and don't want him to worry if soemthing has happened etc. I would try and message from a friends phone just to let him know I'm ok and my battery is dead and phone will be off for a while.

You boyfriend may have been worried and then when he finally did hear from you he got annoyed that it was because you passed out etc. There is nothing wrong with getting drunk and passing out. In an ideal situation you would have let him know your phone may die and you'll talk to him tomorrow. But shit happens and it doesn't always work out thAt way. 
But if he's accusing you of other things then I guess it becomes a question of trust.

Hope you figure it out. All the best. Xx

Answer

He knew where you were. I'd say he's wrong on this one.  If you were out wirh friends at an unknown location rhen yea he cpukd be upset but by saying you did what he told you not to (getting drunk) he's going to get more controlling.

Answer

Has no one asked her why she didn't at least have the courtesy to text or call from her mother's or brother's phone... or even from one of the however many people she was around phone? Total disrespect. I'd be ticked too. Unless there is some other issue behind all of this like they were arguing to begin with then it's totally reasonable to expect her to grab a phone and call to let him know her phone is dead. I can't imagine going to a wedding (without my SO to begin with) but then having my phone die and not find some way to get ahold of him. But I love him and respect him and that love and respect is mutual.

Answer

I obviously don't know the whole situation and all the nuances of your relationship, but I related to your post because it reminded me of all my relationships before I stopped drinking 3.5 years ago.  Up until then I knew I had a tendency to drink too much, pass out, and leave other people hanging (among many, many other things) but I preferred not to think about it--at all--to the extend that I'd basically cut people out of my life if they expressed concern or justified annoyance.  I always chalked it up to the other person being too controlling or prying, or suddenly conveniently remember all the reasons I didn't like them in the first place anyway.  I did this a lot (basically whenever I let a SO, friend, or employer down); I would do anything to avoid looking at my own behavior because, frankly, my own behavior scared me and I didn't understand it.

Think about how you would feel if the tables were turned-- your bf goes to his friend's wedding, and even though you both agreed you'd be in contact that night, he lets his phone die and passes out.  What if it wasn't the first, or even second time this had happened?

Again, I don't know your whole history or anything, but something about your post really struck me as something I have painfully lived through.  In my experience, if I'm in a situation where I feel the need to cut & run, or ditch out otherwise, then it's a situation I need to examine more thoroughly.

Best wishes ❤️❤️❤️

Answer

He sounds like a control freak you defo did the right thing stay away and be free to do as you please. Xx

Answer

You did the right thing. Enjoy your life

Answer

He knew where you were and shit happens. He should trust you, as an adult, to be ok if your phone dies and you can't be in contact. I can understand him being a bit worried, but I think he over reacted which makes him seem controlling.

Controlling boyfriend or just concerned?

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