Hey there. I'm 23, miscarried at home on Friday morning. We were supposed to be going to our 12 week appointment today. Not sure how I'm supposed to be feeling. But my husband is really good at bottling up and moving on, me.. Not so much. I too have felt very alone all weekend. He's been keeping busy and I've been trying to stay cheerful for him, as well as our 3 year old daughter. She has no idea what's happened, and he doesn't want to try to explain it to her. She knew we were expecting and He says since she doesn't know how long it takes a baby to grow it won't make a difference to her. But he forgot that she constantly asks me if she can talk to the baby or kiss my belly because she's super excited. So while he's at work with hundreds of distractions, I'm here at home, with a clueless 3 year old and flowers from a florist friend that just keep reminding me of the horrible series of events that took place at my home on Friday morning.

My husband has also collected all the ultrasound photos and all the congratulatory pregnancy paperwork and put them somewhere. When I asked if we could possibly memorialized everything somehow he shot that idea down as quick as I could get the words out. So not sure how I'm supposed to find closure in all this. I already suffer with depression and anxiety since childhood. It's been a lifelong battle to be happy and I was finally getting to a really good state of mind. The unfortunate part of all this, I've had a sinking feeling about this past pregnancy since I found out at just 2 weeks. I never had that with my daughter. Should have figured, I guess.

Not sure how I'm going to get over this. My husband keeps telling me I need to. I need to move on. For him, for our daughter, for us. I fully understand what I NEED to do.. Its the HOW part I can't figure out. His first question to the doctors was when can we try again. That's the LAST thing on my mind. I don't want to break his heart and tell him I'm not exactly excited to try again. Maybe he thinks getting pregnant right away will fill the void? I know it won't. Nothing ever will. Not for me. This was one of my biggest fears and I've had to face it head on. I haven't even been able to cry about it much. I just want to lay in bed and cry all day. And I can't. Saturday we went to my husbands parents camp and took our daughter trick or treating like we do every year. I'm trying really hard to be a rock here. But I feel more like a pile of rubble.

I don't want to get pregnant again right away. But I know my husband will just keep asking me. He means well. He does absolutely everything for me no matter what it costs to him. So I know he thinks it'll be best to help us move on, together as a couple. As a family. I just know I cannot go through this again. Aside from the physical pain, the emotional toll it's taking on me is stupid. My daughter needs a happy mommy, not a miserable one. I need to find a way to cope.