I messed up...

How do you know if your truly in love? I mean really...I think I'm pretty sure I'm in love with my bf now but I said something awful to him without even thinking about it. We went almost 2 weeks without sex and we usually have sex every day or other day depending on work... We got into a big fight about it bc he was ignoring sex and not trying anything so I told him I was thinking about having sex with other people ... Im so awful I don't know why I said that... (I mean I keep thinking about the rough sex I used to have with my ex and I miss it but I don't miss my ex) I didn't tell him that part. But am I in love or stupid/ ignorant? I truly hurt him and I don't think he can get past it no matter the times I apologize... I fucked up :(