Rant about past sexual abuse
Last year I was in a relationship with a boy for 9 months. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was sexually abusive and I believe emotionally abusive as well.
Whenever we had sex, he would put his penis in for a thrust or two without putting a condom on. I asked him to and told him how uncomfortable it made me, but he just said I wouldn't get pregnant and refused to. I stopped trying to ask him after a few times of that.
Multiple times when we were hanging with a group of friends, we would be under a blanket and he would start having sex with me. I was too scared to say anything, but my friend who was there at the time said that he even thought my expression just looked blank.
With the emotional abuse, he would simply fuck me and leave. Sometimes he would say he was busy with homework, but then he'll stay up playing video games all night. He also got mad at me when I self harmed.
Because of all of this, I have PTSD and now my current boyfriend can barely touch me sometimes because if I even perceive it as slightly sexual or leading up to it, I freak out and I hate it. I can almost never enjoy sex anymore.
This was really long, but thank you for listening to my rant. It's really been bothering me the past week and I just needed to talk about it. Thank you 😌
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