I'm not a FTM. This will be baby #2. However.... My first was 11 years ago!!! All kinds of emotions hit me hard as soon as I woke up this morning. I'm super excited for him to finally be here and totally scared. It's been so long. I've had 4 miscarriages since and our prayers have been answered. I'm so worried that the induction may not work even though friends have said the second time around is much quicker. I don't even know if I can consider this my 2nd. So those past miscarriages are still weighing heavily on my mind and the fear of being taken in and we have to wait more than a day freaks me out.

I'm also afraid if I'll even remember what to do! This whole time I've been super confident about "oh I remember doing this and that," but at this moment it's like it's long gone. (Surely it is just nerves.)

My husband is a rock and I'm so confident in him. He's so supportive and I'm emotionally greatful too! This is his first and I'm afraid I'm going to steal his spotlight and memorable moments. Not on purpose, but in a way of "don't hold the baby too long, you've got to do it like this, and be careful, be careful, be careful." That scares me.

We found out that the reason I was miscarrying was due to a blood clot disorder and once I started a thinner everything has been amazingly great! That worries me too. What if we have complications. What if it effects our baby or me... It's scary. My doctor has reassured me several times in her confidence that we will have a successful and normal delivery, and I truely believe her. But still, what if...

But even though all that is running through my head I'm so happy!! Our baby boy will be in our arms so very soon!! We have everything we need from cloths to bottles, to friends and family. I'm so greatful and blessed.

I just want to cry. Cry. Cry. Cry.

Reading everyone's stories, looking at all the pictures, and being able to vent on this app has been a wonderful experience for me. Thank you everyone who's stopped and took the time to reply to a post of mine, posted positive pictures of the joy this ride is bringing us to, and thank you to the ones who have shared the embarrassing situations we go through so others don't feel so bad.

I'm an emotional hot mess at the moment and just needed to vent. Lol I know I'm not the only one around who's gotten to this point. It's truely an amazing thing we as women go through!!

Max is born 10/6/16. Birth story later!

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