Finally Giving Up

After 18 months of trying (I know many have been for longer fair play you're much stronger than me) I give up I'm not supposed to have a baby, I can't keep sitting month after month in tears that it's yet another BFN my partner wants to keep going but I just can't do this anymore I'll be staying active on here but I'm going back on the pill tomorrow it's cruel to myself to keep going this way, I just feel so selfish to my partner has anyone been in my shoes? What did u do?