I need advice / support I don't really know.

Okay soo, I liked and talked to this guy my freshman year all summer and into half my sophomore year. We talked a lot we told eachother everything. I told him stuff my bestfriend doesn't even know, I would've done anything for him. I trusted him, I loved him. Honestly I don't know what happened to us but we stoped talking we kind of fought a couple times and I ended up blocking him, he thought I hated him for the longest time. I didn't block him because I hated him. I could never hate him, I blocked him to distance myself from him so I couldn't message him. I cried a lot after that, after we stopped talking, facetimeing almost every night. When I'd get a text or something I would hope it was him even though I know it wouldn't be. He meant so much to me. He will never understand how perfect he is to me. When we would facetime and it would be late his voice would get deeper and it's so attractive. I could look at him and never get tired of it. Never get tired of his dumb little smirks or the way we held hands. My friends told me to keep my head up that we would start talking again and I didn't believe them. It's my junior year and his senior year now and we have started talking again. I missed this so much but I don't have the feelings like I used to, I don't know if it's were I'm scared of getting attached to him again or what. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this boy. I really hope he has changed and he's like okay she really meant everything she said. I told him that he was perfect and I was down for him. I really think most of the problem with us is my moms whole thing of "It looks bad for a girl to go to a guys house" because me and him anyways made plans to go do stuff but my mom wouldn't let me. I feel like she doesn't trust me. Anyways me and him never dated but we minds well have. I really care about him. I wish he saw me the way I see him. I wish he understood how much he means to me and I would never hurt him.