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Nightmare Birth Story

Kyle • Mon, Oct 24

You know it's never good when the nurses say so cheerfully, "50 years ago, youmight have died in a birth like this!" I really wanted a natural birth but in the end it was not to be. I actually labored naturally more than 28 hours and was dilated to 8 or 9 but couldn't advance any further than that. The pain wasn't enjoyable but it was bearable. The only thing was that I was getting pretty exhausted and frustrated.

The midwife told us that the baby's head was up isntead of chin down and the only thing left to do was to try and manually move the baby. She said it was so "satanic and painful" she wouldn't do it to me without an epidural, especially after 28 hours of labor. So I took the epidural. She moved the baby. I pushed for two hours.

They discovered the baby had moved back to her original position. Got another epidural. They moved the baby again. Pushed for two more hours only to discover the baby had moved backagain. We decided on one last epidural and a try with forceps as they said that was literally the last option, if not they would have to prep me for a c section. Pushed with the forceps for another hour or so. The last epidural had little to no effect and I could feel everything with the forceps, they were huge and it was the most pain I have ever been in in my entire life. Contractions and laboring for almost 30 hours were nothing compared to that. My baby would not budgefrom her position (head up instead of chin down, as my midwife said, there's not a female body in the world that could deliver a head-up baby circumference).Then in the middle of pushing all of sudden the doctor said c-section and everything started to move really fast. The anesthesiologist gave me something and they were running with the bed pushing it down the hallway, we got into the operating room and I started crying askingwhere my boyfriend was and they said they made him go change his clothes andsterilize but they couldn't wait for him at all, they needed to start right now...then he came in right at that moment. They said the anesthesia they gave me would not let mefeel pain but I would feel pressure. And as soon as they started cutting I started telling them to please check the anesthesia as Icould feel pain. They said, no, that's just pressure you're feeling and kept cutting, and then I started screaming that I could feel their knife cutting my muscles, and they stopped. They asked if I wanted tobe put under general anesthesia but if I did that I wouldn't wake up and meet my baby for another 12 more hours or so. I said no, so they gave something that made me sleep but it wasn't any more of a pain remover. So I sort of went to sleep but I kept waking up screaming at the really painful parts. Ayla was so far down the birth canal thatshe wasn't in a good position for a c-section either, c-sections are normally done before the baby gets that far down. And because ofhow her head was stuck they couldn't get her out, my boyfriend said three doctors were pushing with all their strength on my stomach, turning red in the face from the effort. I was so confused because of themedicine, I didn't know whether they had taken her out or not.

Later my boyfriend told me they took her out and the midwife called him over to see the baby...and then she no no no, wait and sounded a little worried and he saw that there were a bunch of people working on her. Ayla had the cord wrapped around her neck and a small cut and big bruise on herhead from the forceps and her heart rate was low when they first got her out. Her APGAR was a 5. We later found out that it had been an emergency c section bc she had pooped and that can be fatal, and bc her heart rate was going down.

My boyfriend was standing in the middle of the room where she was and then the room where I was and he could see there were a bunch of people working on me still and I was crying and screaming because they were still pushing on my stomach (they were having problems getting everything back into place and getting me closed up). He said he was so scared and felt like his whole soul was split in two...then they called him over to Ayla when they were done and gave her to him and he started sobbing

and he brought her to me to hold her by my face so I could see her for the first time.

She was perfectly calm and looked at me like, "I've known you forever." And my boyfriend said, "She's so perfect and beautiful, she looks just like you. Are you sure she's mine?"And finally the whole hell was over and I was stitched up and they put her on my chest and we went back to the room.

I don't feel like I failed in my quest to have a natural birth. I did everything that was humanly possible and in the end it just wasn't meant to be.

However I do feel pretty traumatized by ending up having a way harder recovery than I'd expected. I had thought I might end up using some anesthesia during birth but it didn't even cross my mind that I'd end up in an emergency c section, and such a horrific one at that. Every time I think about it I start crying and it does make me sad that I'll never be one of those women who looks back on their birth as a beautiful experience.

But my Ayla is here and perfect and healthy and in the end that's all that matters.