This is the month that I laid in bed beside my husband and wanted to badly to say "I'm pregnant" and he drifted to sleep and I felt cramps. This is the month we BD more than ever before but purely out of love. This was no tracking just love making. This was the month I planned on telling him during our annual pumpkin carving. We always video ourselves carving pumpkins because we end up recording conversations throughout the years. This year I wanted to write "I'm PREGNANT!" or even "We're having a BABY!!" On my pumpkin as a surprise.

This month I took seven pregnancy tests. I guess you could say this month I lost my peace and let worry and anxiety slip in. I stopped letting Aunt Flow surprise me this month. I wanted to know. Asap. I had no symptoms. I just had hope.

This month I'm wrapping up my period and trying to start fresh. This month I feel surrounded my pregnant friends asking me when we're having one. Those who know our story keep asking me when we're going to try meds or if we want to adopt. One and a half years in their mind means impossible. I smile because I can't wait to tell them that this is the month.

But...it's not yet. Not this month at least. Maybe next or the one after that. It will be SOME month. It will be perfect. But this month is hard. If you will please say a prayer of peace and comfort for us today. Thank you ladies!