ok venting and crying am I overreacting?!

Question

My mother passed two months before we found out we were 9 weeks pregnant... it's been a hard pregnancy... we had no real warning... it went from her being in the hospital and the drs saying they were releasing her in the morning to her passing in the middle of the night while I watched helplessly... my husband is in the military so we had just pcsed (moved) and my sister has said that she thinks that my mom died bc she missed us so bad and has told my husband that she blames him (her husband is military as well but they have never had to move due to him working at the biggest naval hospital in the country)ANYWAYS my sister has only came to see us once since she we moved and we've went back home at once a month (6hour drive at least with three kids and my husband and I were both working)... the one time she came was to drop off her 3 kids bc she "needed a break" mind you she lives in our hometown and my dad now lives with her...after I had had a stroke 3 weeks before...and my husband was suffering from a TBI (traumatic brain injury).... so fast forward to this month she bought a dog named it what we were going to name our daughter...told my dad he couldn't come visit us bc she decided three days before he was supposed to come that she was going to do her daughters birthday a month late... annnnnnd called everyday to cry and say she doesn't understand why we couldn't come....ummm I'm due in 11 days and I have had blood clots since my stroke.... but what GETS ME THE MOST!!!! Is everytime I talk to her she tells me, "mom wouldn't like that"...."mom told me not to do that".... "you know mom wouldn't want you to let your kids watch that" everything I do as a mom my sister says my mom wouldn't like ...CONSTANTLY!!! I can't do it! I miss my mom enough...I only get to see my dad once every few months unless we drive down... I'm just so done...she "says" she's coming when I give birth but I'm to the point where I don't know if I want her there....sorry for the long post if your still reading thank you I really needed to vent...

Update: thank you everyone for your kind words... I really do... I know it's stupid for it to get so under my skin but it does when it's every conversation... and I get exhausted after every hang up and then I'm moody... but I really do appreciate your kind words ❤️❤️❤️

Answer

It sounds like maybe your sister isn't happy with herself or how her life is going so she's taking it out on you . And I get that everyone grieves in their own way , but to blame you is just below the belt . If I was you , I would tell her "look she was my mom too and I feel that you're being selfish and inconsiderate" . I wouldn't let her go to the hospital either .. That's your day and you don't need any extra stress or "advice" from her .

Answer

Honestly, tell your sister to fuck off. If she's going to be a petty brat and use your mothers memory to manipulate you, then she can shut up and stop talking to you.
She's being selfish and incredibly childish. 
I'm so sorry that your mother passed and your sister is being such a brat.

Answer

She is a basket case after all you and your husband has been through with you guys health she has the nerve to put you down and try and manipulate you. You have every right to distance yourself and cry and vent. Not only are you grieving but pregnant with healthy issues. The nerve of her

Answer

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost a parent (my dad) 4 years ago suddenly so I can empathize with how hard it must be to be missing a loved one. Especially during this time. And though I don't have a crazy selfish sister like yours I do have some other relatives that have been acting childish (much like your sister is doing) towards me since my dad's passing. Through all this what I've learned and realized is that just because "we're blood" and a "family" doesn't mean all respect for each other as human beings automatically goes out the window and we are required to tolerate and accept certain unbelievable decisions and behaviors our family members make. It's so wrong of your sister to constantly bring you down the way she has been doing and manipulating your memory of your mom like that. I agree with what another person said here, it sounds like she's just an unhappy person and is doing everything she can do to make your life miserable so she's not the only one that's feeling down. You know what they say, misery loves company. Sometimes you have to do what might feel like is the wrong thing but is actually the right thing if that means you're happy. If you have to temporarily keep your distance from her so you aren't under any unnecessary stress or pain during your pregnancy then you should consider it. And you shouldn't feel bad about it. If you know in your heart that you've been doing nothing wrong then I'm hoping that's enough reassurance for you. You and your husband deserve to be over the moon excited about bringing your little one into this world soon and anyone who dares to get in the way of that should be ashamed of themselves. Unfortunately some people are just too dumb and blind to see that the world doesn't revolve around them at all times. Good luck girl! Keep your head up.

ok venting and crying am I overreacting?!

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