I apologize now as this is going to be really long, but I'm using this as an outlet to let some emotions flow. This is NOT for those who want to read about positive birth experiences. This was extremely traumatic for me but writing and sharing my story will help me to let go of some of these hard feelings I'm still carrying. If you don't feel like reading, the short version is this- I was induced, had a long, hard labor, got an infection, but delivered the most precious baby girl in the world.

I will also preface this by stating that my husband and I are happy, baby and I are now healthy, and we love our daughter very much and everything that happened was indeed worth it.

With that being said- here is my birth story.

Tuesday Oct 25, 2016 I went to my hospital to get lab work done. I was 38 wk& 2 days. My doctor said my last two blood pressures had been on the high side (think 130s over low 90s) and she wanted me to have blood and urine lab work preformed. After spending about an hour in the lab I went to have a blood pressure check in my doctor's office. It was 132/92. The aid got my doctor who came in to say that since this made two elevated blood pressures in a row I was now being diagnosed with gestational hypertension. She told me that she was sending me to labor and delivery to be monitored and to have my lab work read. I thought okay, my blood pressure isn't THAT high and I'm always anxious visiting the hospital, plus I had coffee that morning. But I agreed anyway. I was in L&D at about noon. They began monitoring my bp every 15 minutes (none of them were high.) I called my husband at work and he came to sit with me. About two hours later, two doctors came in to tell us that I indeed had protein in my urine, I now had preeclampsia, and they wanted to induce me. Looking back now, I wish I was a little more informed. My level was 0.3- exactly the level needed to be diagnosed with Pre-E. However, I never gave a 24 hour urine sample so I wonder if I had, would that have changed my outcome? Oh well.

I signed the paperwork and they told me that they couldn't risk sending me home so they were inducing me that evening. We were overwhelmed. Everything up until this moment in time had been fine in my pregnancy. I gained a little too much weight, sure, but I was healthy. Baby was healthy. Hubby left to tend to our home and gather our belongings.

At 4:30 pm the doctors (there's always two- a resident & an attending) came in and checked my cervix- both of them. This happened anytime I had a vaginal exam, there was alway two who would check. I don't know if that's normal, but in hindsight I wish I would have told them that only one person was allowed to check me. Anyway- I was 50% effaced and only a fingertip dilated. The doctors placed Cervidil, a medication meant to ripen my cervix, inside of me. It was to sit there for 12 hours and then they would recheck me. So, I ate my dinner and then was told I was no longer allowed to eat or drink. That evening wasn't so bad. I began having inconsistent contractions about 8 pm. I was able to walk around and bounce on a ball. But as the night progressed, so did my pain. I didn't sleep at all because of how uncomfortable I was. At 4:30 am on Wednesday Oct 26 I was checked again- only 2 cm dilated. I was so mad that I hadn't progressed more because I was very uncomfortable. I was told that next that they would be dilating my cervix with a catheter balloon. I've heard for some women that this was just uncomfortable for them, however that was not my case. It was extremely painful. I was having regular contractions at this point that made me tear up, now I had this resident who didn't know what the hell he was doing sticking his hand up my vagina with a Foley catheter trying to place it in my cervix to dilate it. I cried the entire time. He finally managed to place it in the proper position and the nurse began to blow up the balloon with water. Then bam- the balloon burst inside of me. I screamed. I thought they had broke my water. No one told me what happened. My husband had to ask for me because I couldn't speak between contractions and the pain from the catheter. They apologized and said it was a flaw with the catheter and that they would attempt again with a different style cath. The attending placed this one- still very painful- and successfully blew the balloon up and tied the end of the cath to a liter bag a fluid and hung it off the end of the bed. I was lying in bed with my cervix holding a liter of fluid off the end of the bed. God, I still remember all that pressure. Thankfully it only took about an hour for the balloon to fall out and there I was- 4cm dilated. This was at about 7 am that morning. At about 9 am I was placed on a pitocin drip. About an hour later a resident attempted to break my water, of course he was unsuccessful and I was in so much pain. Finally a midwife took over and broke it very quickly. Up until this point I thought how could my contractions get worse? They got much, much worse. At about noon I finally broke and asked for an epidural. I was checked again and had only dilated to 5 cm. I was crying through every contraction and just couldn't stand the pain any longer. Once it was placed, it took about 30 minutes to take effect. I felt much better, but there was one area of my abdomen that I was still fully feeling the contractions. The anesthesiologist gave me a small dose of fentanyl in hopes that it would knock the edge off while the epidural finished taking effect. I slept for about 45 minutes. The only sleep I had gotten since I had woken up on Tuesday morning. When I woke up, the contractions in my stomach were back and no amount of repositioning was helping. After trying to deal with the pain for as long as possible, I told my nurse and another anesthesiologist came in and readjusted the epidural catheter in my back. It finally took away most of the pain. I still felt cramping and pressure, but I was able to rest in between contractions again. But by this point, I had begun to shiver and feel very fatigued. I had developed a fever. The doctors came in and said I had developed chorioamnionitis, an infection within my uterus. They said it was from me being in "prolonged labor." I knew it was from so many people constantly sticking their hands up my vagina on top of me not progressing very quickly. I was started on antibiotics and around 6 pm I was fully dilated and effaced and was told to begin pushing. I pushed for 2 & 1/2 hours. I was shaking and my teeth chattered the entire time. I felt miserable. My sweet baby wasn't coming out quickly at all. I began to lose my will to push and all of my energy. I remember crying and saying I couldn't do it, she just wasn't coming. Finally the OB stepped up and asked if he could use forceps to assist in the delivery. At this point I didn't care, I just had to get this baby out of me. I will take this moment to say how grateful I was of my husband during this entire ordeal. He actively participated in my delivery- he held one of my legs and encouraged me to breathe and reminded me why I was going through this. He was my rock- even if I wanted to punch him in the face.

After the doctor began to use the forceps, it only took a couple of pushes and baby was out. Talk about relief! All the pressure was going away and the moment I saw her I forgot about all the pain I was in. Because of the infection (which affected her as well as me) I was not granted immediate skin to skin. They took her over to the warmer and began all of their studies. She was born at 8:25 pm, 7lbs 11oz, and 21 inches long. Beautiful and everything I dreamt of. The doctors began to deliver my placenta and all of a sudden began yelling at the nurses to get this medication and that medication. I was hemorrhaging. They cranked my pitocin all the way up, started blousing me with fluids, gave me a shot in my arm, and placed medication inside my cervix all to get the bleeding to stop. It eventually did and the doctor began to stitch up my 2nd degree tear. Baby girl was finally allowed on my chest for a few minutes before being taken away to be given antibiotics. She had a 102 degree fever and we had to be separated. My husband went with her while the doctors finished closing me up. When it was all over, I remember being extremely out of it. I had blurry vision and was very lightheaded. My blood pressure was low and my heart rate was high. I was exhausted. I had to stay a few hours on the floor to receive more fluids and medications in attempts to get me better. I didn't see my baby again until after midnight. I won't even go into the issues I had with breastfeeding.

So that was it. My story. I labored for 28 hours and pushed for 2&1/2. It was everything I never wanted for my birth experience. My "plan" was to go to 40 weeks, labor at home and come to the hospital, get a working epidural, push for a bit and deliver a healthy baby. I wanted an hour of nonstop skin to skin. I wanted to immediately breastfeed. I got none of it and yes, I feel gypped. I feel like my caregivers did everything they thought was best for me and baby. But now I'm scared to have another baby again. I hope that one day I'll forget the experiences that I had and will have a happy, natural delivery next time. But for now, I'm happy and grateful to have my baby home with me. We are both now healthy and I'm recovering really well.

Whoever stuck it out and read the entire thing, thank you. I know this isn't the worst birth story in the world, but it's the only one I know and that makes me really sad. Here's to moving on, forgetting the pain, and enjoying the blessings God gave to us. 💕

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