Ladies I am not posting a sob story I am simply going to state my problems and then ask for your help.

I've never had anything come easy for me, all throughout my childhood and then into my teens and 20's I had problems that nobody seemed to understand.

During my childhood I was diagnosed with ADHD which meant I was more hyperactive and less attentive than my peers, this caused me to be an outsider all through school. The extreme mood changes would be uncontrollable and this caused many problems. So much so that I turned to self harm and suicide attempts starting at age 10. I had no friends and my family was wondering if a school for troubled kids would help me. As time went on my bad habit of listening to music loudly caught up with me and rendered me mostly deaf in the ear I listened to music in *right ear* I did that to drown out the yelling. Then when I thought I had made friends with next door neighbor it didn't take long to see he wasn't a good guy, from the ages of 15 to 20 he sexually harassed me by grabbing & squeezing my ass and nibbling my ears among numerous other things. *I was not raped* but still I could not escape the abuse no matter where I turned I had a tough time in school with nobody to talk to, a family that wanted to get rid of me, and a pedofilic elderly neighbor, and recently all of this suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and I have been violently swinging in and out of these fits of rage & self harm, then back to being this lady who is perfect at hiding all her emotions, I don't think my SO can live with me for much longer, and I don't want him to be stressed all the time worrying about bringing me out in public, should I fiercely swing back into a fit in the middle of the supermarket... I don't want him to be ashamed of me, but I don't know what else I can do. I would go to a shrink but I can't afford it, because I don't have a job and hubby only makes enough to pay the bills and get groceries. So ladies can anyone give me some advice to save my marriage, and also myself..