FTM thoughts 😞
As I am sitting here still dealing with morning sickness I'm holding back tears as thoughts rush through. I ask myself how am I going to do this?! I am 23 years old, this baby isn't a mistake but definitely took us by surprise. My husband had different plans for babies to come 2-3 years later. As we are so excited and very blessed for this miracle, my mind can't help but be in a whirl wind.
I don't feel ready to be a mom, I love my sleep, I love being selfish, I love alone time with my husband, I love being able to do whatever I want when I want. Now I'm going to have think about this little bundle of joy. It is so easy to see other people parent, easy to judge. But now I sit here lately and think to myself how I am now going to be one of them. So many mom's tell me it'll just come naturally. Like one day you'll wake up and it'll hit you. But does it really? Does anyone really know how to be a parent? All I want is to give my kid the best life ever, the life and parenting I never had. But what if I can't? What if I fail? What if I make a bottle to warm because I'm sleep deprived, or accidentally put too many scoops of formula (if I don't breast feed), what if I can't get my baby to sleep, what do I do when it has it days and night where it just cries no matter what i do? How do I even push something so big out of my vagina?! Am I really going to look so gross like you see on tv and movies of girls giving labor?!
I know this probably sounds like I have no idea what I am doing and I'll probably get some judgemental people saying I shouldn't have a baby. But the thing is I do know what to do. Sort of. I've worked with kids since I was practically 10. I work at a daycare center with the infants to 2 year old's. But it is so different, and so scary when it's going to be your baby. Your baby you're taking home. Your baby you'll be raising.