Rambling bio. LMP on our wedding day, BFP ASAP. Joy, guilt, fear. TW: MC
So we got married on October 1st. I knew I was due for my period right around that time and sure enough, it started IN THE MIDDLE of our wedding. 🙄 I spent shark week at Disney World on our honeymoon, and the bleeding ended the same day the hurricane hit and we were forced to stay inside and amuse ourselves. 😂 I didn't ovulate til round about the 15th, though...so we made sure to get lots done around that time. 😜 I guess karma did its thing to make up for Aunt Flo coming in the middle of my damn reception because sure enough, on 10/30 I got my first BFP. I WAS FLOORED. I've taken two more tests since because I feel like I may still be hallucinating! All positive. I know so many people that have been calculating and trying and doing ovulation tests and treatments and everything and it takes them so long - years! - and sometimes it still doesn't work out. I feel terrible underneath my joy. How did we manage to do this right away? Do we deserve this? I'm also terrified because I've had two other miscarriages, both pretty early on. My diabetes was not in control at the time though, and I was not ready to commit to doing what I needed to to really plan for being pregnant. This time, I saw my doctor 6 months in advance, started prenatals, changed my meds around and got my body under much better control. I am not a religious person, but I believe in things happening for the right reasons in their own time. I'm still trying not to be guilty. I remember how it hurt when I found out friends of mine were pregnant after my losses. I don't want to cause pain to people I love, but I can't wait to get to that 12 weeks where it's okay to shout it to the world. I wish I could blurt it out now, but I'm so scared it won't "stick". Stupid, because I've changed so much and there's absolutely no reason I can't have a healthy baby. We were blessed by timing and genetics to have this happen right away, and I hope that means it is meant for us. I don't know if I can deal with another loss and start this whole process over again. I'm trying to stay positive.
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Let's Glow!
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