My father raped me.

UPDATE: He was aentenced to 8 years this week for what he did to me. Thank you for all of your kind words and advice

Im not sure where to put this so im just going to post this here. I am 16 years old and a junior in highschool. I have been struggling for so long over this and i just feel like there is no one out there i know who fully understands what ive been through. When i was born my mother and father separated. I saw my father every weekend, and i was a complete daddys girl. He was the best father anyone could ask for. But when i was around nine years old things changed. He started using meth and lost his wife and job. One day he asked me to watch a sex education video with him and i said yes. He put a porn disc in to the dvd player and started to masturbate under the covers right infront of me. I knew it was wrong, but he was my father and i trusted him. From then on things escalated and he started touching me and i touched him to. And ive never forgiven myself for allowing and doing the things i did. This happened for months, and eventually he asked me to have sex, and i said no. The first time he raped me was christmas 2009. It happened two more times until i told my mom i didnt want to visit him anymore. I never told her why. I felt so dirty and destroyed. He drugged me and tied me up. I never told anyone until my freshman year when i started therapy, and he was arrested September 30th 2015. They say he will probably only get 18 months at best. It feels like i will never move on or get any closure. My mother is an addict and i have lived with my boyfriend of 9 months for 5 months now. He helps a lot and has been through similar things but i feel so alone. My grandparents say that he has already been locked up awaiting trial for a year and that they believe he has found god and deserves to be let free. I know he is their son but i am their granddaughter. I feel betrayed by them. I dont know how to cope anymore. He smoked meth with me when he was doing those thing and on june 23rd i smoked it with my mother. I want to use again so bad, i just want the hole in my chest to be filled.