venting.••

Hi all. I haven't been preventing pregnancy at all. Generally speaking I don't use protection when having sex. But the last month or so I guess you could say I have been trying. (Which I guess if you aren't preventing you are trying but you know what I mean haha) 
Anyways, I just want to be pregnant so bad. Last month I was a day late and assumed I was pregnant but wasn't. Maybe because last month I didn't have sex on the right days. This month I made sure to have it on the right days. I want it so bad. I am suppose to start my period in about 9 days.  I always figured that I should take a test when I'm late not before because I figure this way you can hold out hope a little longer. I just want this so bad and I already am doubting myself and I'm only five DPO then I worry that if I doubt it , it won't happen. 
Sorry for the long post just venting. Please comment if you'd like or give advice or any tips thank you.