My heart is still broken

On the 16th June this year I got my BFP, we had only been trying for 5 months so I felt so lucky to see them beautiful 2 lines! Was extatic and so was my fiancé... weeks went by I had quite bad sickness but suffered more with nausea, everything was going so smoothly. We decided to tell our parents and grandparents everyone was just over the moon for us, but in the back of my mind I was so worried. Worried of miscarriage, worried there would be no heartbeat at our first scan worried that I would be a rubbish parent. Just worried. Anyway the weeks went by and I was just counting down the days till my 12 week scan (in the UK we don't get scanned until then). The day came and we got up all excited and got ready to go see our little miracle👶🏼. We got to the hospital and we went into the ultrasound room where a sonographer started the scan, at first I didn't dare to look at the screen I waited until I saw my fiancé smiling and then I knew it was all good. She showed us the little heart beating away and all the fingers and toes. Then she turned the screen back and started doing the measurements. Fine. Then she said she needed to go and get a second opinion on something that she had seen. "What have you seen" I asked her. She said the baby's head is elongated at the back. Off she went to go get another sonographer who came in and said yes correct it's not quite right. We then got sent to see a consultant doctor who then scanned me again in more detail and told us our little miracle baby had a neural tube defect. A very significant encephlocele which is where the skull doesn't form properly at the back and the brain was pertruding. I was 13 and 4 days pregnant. My poor little baby, he said our baby wouldn't survive the pregnancy and he was 99.9% sure of that. as the encephlocele was quite a bit bigger than any he had ever seen. He gave us the option of waiting a few more weeks to see if it got any better or to terminate the pregnancy as it just wasn't fair. We decided to terminate as he was so sure of the outcome. I'm devastated. Completely and utterly. I don't no how I will get over this... Hopefully one day I can be happy again.. and hopefully I will one day be able to have my dream of a happy and healthy baby ❤️