I don't know where I'm going with this but I think I just need to vent I'm so hurt right now been crying since 12am its now 5am I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong in my relationship am I not pretty enough , thin enough , big enough , do he not like my hair , my skin tone like what what is the matter with me why can't he love me how I love him i would literally give my life for his , give my freedom for his whatever he need is his i might sound crazy but im really fucked up and inlove with that man he's my first my everything my world everytime he kisses me my knees instantly feels weak its like heaven on earth we've been together since I was 17 I'm 22 now going on 23 in april he's 27 but what I don't understand is why is it that men have the power to make you feel like complete shit not good enough like everythings your fault to the point where you don't even wanna live anymore I'm feeling like scum right now realllly really stupid my new years was shitty , didn't even get to spend it with him he told me he had plans but those plans should've been over at 12 its now 5:30am he's still not home phone going straight to voicemail I'm so confused I never caused him any harm I don't get why would he hurt me like this how can you hurt someone you claim you love a innocent person that does nothing but love you unconditionally a loyal friend and lover " I fell asleep at my moms house in the recliner " is gonna be the excuse yes i know I'm in a toxic relationship but the problem is I just don't know how to put my best foot forward and move on he's all I know ugh I'm just so lost right now I hate my fucking self . ... .