I hate myself, sorry it's long just need to get it off my chest - no hate please I can't handle anything else

I literally hate myself so much. I feel like I'm a disgusting excuse for a human being. There's been two great guys in my life this year (not at the same time - one was at the beginning of the year and the other just recently) and I never let myself completely have them because I hate the way I look, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I've got pcos so that doesn't help things. I hate that I'm never going to feel completely comfortable with a guy because I feel physically sick when I look in the mirror naked so how could I let someone else do that? But the thing is I let myself like these guys (and the recent one even fall for slightly) then I'm like a frightened animal I just back away because I'm so scared that I'm not good enough for someone. What if they realise I'm nothing but a waste of space and decide there's someone fitter, thinner, prettier, smarter and funnier out there. I let my anxiety and depression get the better of me sometimes which is why I don't let anyone in. I really don't see the point in even being here anymore. How can I live with always feeling like this?