This past year has been a crazy ride. In April I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, I never thought something like this would happen to me. And what's worse is I didn't know who the dad was. I knew I didn't want an abortion, I even had my ex offer to pay for it, and we would go get a drink after. I couldn't do it, but I didn't know what to do. I thought about parenting for a long time, but after looking at how much stuff costs, and how little support I got from my family I knew it wasn't meant to be. I knew a couple who have been wanting to adopt, and I told them what I had decided and asked them if they wanted to adopt. Everything was going great! My belly kept getting bigger and bigger, I felt more kicks each day. I fell in love with my baby boy before I even truly knew him. But something was off with the family I picked, it just didn't feel right. They're where more worried about getting the baby from me than trying to build a relationship. I was also wanting an open adoption, and with it being a private adoption I couldn't feel that they would keep their word.

I felt bad telling them I changed my mind, and that I wanted to find another family, but as soon as I did a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was 8 months pregnant then, and I didn't have much time to look for another family. I went through an agency called gladney, and as soon as I got the paper work done I got to look at family's. As soon as my caseworker brought me some profiles to look at, one stood out of the pile. I read it and I fell in love with (we'll call them A and C). They where perfect! I got to meet C before our son was born only once cause little Theo decided to make an early appearance.

He was the most perfect little boy ever! A perfect little mini me. I never thought I could love someone so much in my life. Signing my rights away was the hardest thing I ever did, I felt like my heart had broken into a million pieces. I felt like a failure as a mother, cause I didn't even try. I waited a week before placing Theo with A and C. He went into transitional care during that week. I missed him so much, I would cry myself to sleep each night. When placement day came around I was nervous, and had a crazy flurry of emotions. But as soon as I placed Theo into A's arms, a feeling of peace washed over me. It felt right, like I was never ment to raise Theo. My heart felt like it would burst when I left that day, but at the same time I was at peace. I know I had made the right choice, and that God was there working on my heart healing it. Since then I get updates and pictures from A and C of Theo. It makes my day when I get to see him. Everyday I find new reassurance of my choice, Theo is happy and healthy surrounded by so many people who love him as much as me. My journey has just begun and I can't wait to see what this year brings for me and our little family. It has inspired me to help others like me, give women hope. God gave me a blessing to inspire me to do something with my life. I am so blessed.