How to deal with people's negative reaction to your birth plan?

Question

I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and nowadays whenever I interact with any woman who has ever given birth, she seems to ask me about my birth plan. And consistently when I tell them I would like to have a natural birth, they question on me on why, and then they seem to get defensive because they ended up with an epidural or some other intervention that I'd like to avoid. They tell me that I need to go into it with an open mind in case I do need intervention or a c-section and they tell me how much it hurts. They tell me about all the things that went wrong with their birth, it seems like I'm am effort to scare me. I realize there is a possibility that I'll need a c-section (but I just really don't want abdominal surgery!) and obviously I'd choose that before danger to my child or me. And YESSSS I clearly know that labor hurts. Is there a person in this world who hasn't seen the dramatic portrayal of birth on TV?

Ugh. I'm just so sick of people trying to make me feel like I can't have a natural birth when I really feel like I can, barring rare complications. I've been reading lots of positive natural birth stories which helps, since it seems all I've ever heard from people I know are scary birth stories.

I feel like from this point on, I really would just like to not talk about my birth plan with anybody. I have gotten enough opinions! What is a kind way to say that to people to not offend them? I was thinking of just being honest and saying something like, "people have been freaking me out about this and I'd rather wait til after the birth to tell you how the birth went" or something like that.

Have any of you had similar experiences with previous moms seemingly trying to change your birth plan???

Answer

Well just ignore everyone! I've had 3 amazing natural medication free births and I survived lol. It's normal to want natural but unfortunately we live in a world that uses medication for absolutely everything. Just keep an open mind and go with the flow. People seem to forget that women have been giving birth for millions of years without an epidural!

Answer

They are just trying to prepare you so you don't freak out if plans change. It's not uncommon to see posts in here where women say the birth was ruined or they will never emotionally recover because they couldn't follow their birth plan. You don't sound like one of those ladies.

If I were you, I'd just tell people you don't want to discuss it. Say you are going to try for as natural a birth as possible but the important part is that the baby gets here healthy.

Answer

They are right about not going in with an absolute set plan. You really do have to be open to plans changing.  But that doesn't mean you can't still have a natural birth!!! The truth of the matter is you just never know what's going to happen. And don't stress or have fear from other people's stories. Everyone loves to tell their birth story and experience because it's a big time in their life when a woman often goes through the most pain and most emotional moment no matter the type of birth they had. People often ask you about your birth plan because really they just want to talk about themselves.  Next time someone asks I would just say I'm planning on having a natural birth without interventions, then say, but know anything can happen so I'm going in open minded... (even if that isn't fully true it will keep them off your back)

Answer

I wanted to try going natural and everytime it was brought up my mother would give me looks and tell me I will change my mind. She wasn't encouraging at all. She said,"you don't know what it's like, you will want it". Even though I did end up getting the epidural I progressed so fast it only numbed my vaginal canal but I still felt every single contraction and afterwards the doctor told me I may as well of had a natural birth. If I had believed in my self more I could have done it. Don't lose faith in your plan. It is really hard to stick to it in the pain of labor but once your pushing it feels so much better than laying there in pain with nothing you can do about it.

Answer

You are right in using the word defensive- that's exactly what it is. You will encounter that attitude throughout your entire pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting experience. It's really strange but moms who choose natural choices in those areas get way more flack socially than moms who get epidurals, formula feed, etc. They come into the conversation defensive because they don't want to feel like they couldn't do it and you can- just by saying you are choosing a natural birth, they hear "I'm better than you", instead of just hearing you expressing your desire for a certain birth experience. I'm sorry you have to put up with it! My family on both sides keeps doing that to me, too, all the usual "you don't get a metal, you know" and "tell me that again after 24 hours of labor", etc. Don't let them get to you! Everybody's choices don't have to be the same. And a natural birth is entirely possible for any woman barring actual medical complications- women have been enduring pain through labor for thousands of years. You'll do great, Mama!

Answer

Unsolicited advice is annoying, and moms who have had traumatic birth stories can't seem to help themselves from sharing. I honestly have just been straight up tuning them out and building a bubble for myself. Positive thoughts only.... if someone is extra rude/insistent, i just tell them that I'm trying to protect myself and I appreciate the sentiment, but would rather change the subject. C'mon now, moms. Let's us all have our own experiences without the fear mongering.

Answer

I had the same problem I would just ignore them. I didn't want the epidural but I ended up getting it and I will regret that for the rest of my life. Don't fill your head with negativity

Answer

To be completely honest, it's. One of their business. You don't have to even have an explanation. Just a simple "I'm not sharing that information" or "my doctor and I are working on that together" is fine. The explanation you gave is great as well, but it could easily open the door for further unwanted conversation.

Also, most of them don't ask because they actually care. Not trying to sound mean or insensitive, but I promise the main reasons they are asking is so they can 1) offer advice since they feel they know what they are doing and have more experience and 2) so they can talk about themselves and their own birth plan/story.

Answer

Dont take it to heart. Everyone gives you thier opinions when you are pregnant.  Just say we'll see what happens. Lol.

I dont want an induction. I dont want a c section and i dont want an epidural.

My son was transverse and i was worried about the c section.  Alot of women were supportive and said that theu had one and it wasnt that bad. Lol. Luckily my son is *in position * and im 4 cm dialated.

I was induced.with my first and heard its less painful when you arent induced... hoping he will come.soon. im 4 cm dialated at 38+3

Juat tell ppl i have an idea but well see what happens

Answer

It doesn't matter what they think, but if it bothers you then don't tell other people.
I want a fairly natural birth, only minimal pain killers, but if I'm in a shit ton of pain that I can't handle I'll do what needs to be done. I get the same comments about how I won't be able to handle giving birth without an epidural. I've had people straight up try to tell me I don't have a choice. I still talk about what I plan to do if someone asks, I just don't let it bother me, and I tell them oh well I'll do what I want.

How to deal with people's negative reaction to your birth plan?

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