I'm done trying on my marriage...
I've been crying for an hour and I just need to rant...
My husband and I just had a beautiful baby girl a month ago and I've never felt sadder in my life. It's not baby blues though, it's the fact that I don't know if my husband has ever told me the truth. I was sending my mother some baby pictures when I noticed the only other thing open on my husband's phone is the private tabs for web browsing. The only reason he's ever done this? To look at porn which he supposedly stopped doing. A few months ago he said he stopped smoking, but really he just started bumming cigarettes off friends. He also said he stopped a few other habits once we found out about the baby and I'm sure I can't believe that either. I can't trust him at all because of this and the saddest thing is I'm not even going to fight it anymore. I give up.I don't want to get a divorce because he's a great dad so far and at surface view he's a good person. He's the love of my life and I never would marry anyone else. I'm just going to stop confronting him and stop thinking of us as an actual couple though. We're just partners in taking care of this amazing little girl because I'm pretty sure at this point, he doesn't love me or actually find me attractive or care about me. The love of his life is our little blue eyed angel and he holds no place for me in his heart - I just was a means to an end for him...
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