Please stop the assault. You are eroding at my mountains of glory, my companions, my partners in crime. I can no longer use them to get out of speeding tickets. They are no longer adorned with the softest lace. While more plush and large than ever they are a constant pain and can not be enjoyed to their fullest extent. Please stop the excruciating pain in my breasts. I thought you were my friend. You let me off until yesterday. I thought I was out scot-free and then this horrible ache of one thousand pitchforks hitting my side boobs and nipples in the pits of hell started. Why must you betray me? My areolas are no longer soft and pink and instead look like two mounds of poop wrinkled and brown. A river splits into an entire roadmap on my breasts nipples chest and arms. My husband looks at them in fear of causing pain instead of enjoyment. Stretch marks have appeared and leave deep scars in my confidence. My breasts were my life blood and now they have betrayed me. Please ease this pain soon my sweet companion of a body.

Sincerely,

Your Pregnant Owner