Scared about my weight..

Hey all. So I'm super concerned about my weight. I was never this heavy . (Please, I know I'm fat, I just need help, not criticism.) Then my dad became terminally ill and I started gaining weight like crazy. Then I got pregnant. After I had my daughter I was 200 lbs. the highest I had ever been was 164 basically all muscle. Well I got put on a medication for postpardum depression. And gained 40 lbs in 1.5 months. Stopped that, started to lose it and then my dad passed away. I gained another 10 lbs. at 250 lbs I just wanted to die. I began working out a little and eating better but having no money and a tiny tornado running around made it hard. I lost 5 lbs the. Started stressing again because I was having such a hard time dealing with my dad. And then baby fever hit. HARD. I kept telling myself that I had to lose at least 50 lbs before I could get pregnant again but I just kept frustrating myself so I decided I would try for a month see what happened and then if I didn't get pregnant I would try again to lose the weight. Well I got pregnant!!! Yay!! I'm super excited but I've already gained 5 lbs... I'm super scared. I had a few complications with my last baby and they said I had to lose like a million lbs and instead I gained...