Hit a brick wall

I can't do this anymore, since my ectopic I don't think I can recover every month I dread my period starting cuz it feels like I've failed yet again. I'm starting to constantly fell like crap I'm starting to hate myself I feel like I'm constantly wearing this fake smile that gives me a headache Pretending to b happy like I'm over it I've lost all faith in everything It hurts so bad like I feel like in being punished for something I don't know I did I'm constantly fighting back tears I get on the train I cry I get on the bus I cry I stay at home I cry I wake up from sleep in tears I hold my godson and I can feel the tears burn my eyes I've never felt this weak before