saying goodbye to breastfeeding...
Let me start off by saying that ever since getting pregnant I have looked forward to breastfeeding. I bought 3 different cute nursing covers, read books and took a class. I told myself it would come so naturally to me, after all bfing is natural so how hard could it be?
When my beautiful boy was born, he had a very hard time latching. The LC and nurses at the hospital were super helpful but he and I still struggled. For weeks, I would cry when he nursed bc he would chomp down on my nipple with his gums no matter how hard I tried to get him on correctly. My nipples were destroyed and I was in constant pain. I actually dreaded every feeding and began to resent my husband bc he didn't have to go through it. My baby also began having severe gas and reflux due to not being able to properly latch and swallowing air...he was constantly spitting up and wasn't gaining weight quick enough. I tried to pump and bottle feed my milk, but I just wasn't making enough and the dr told us we needed to supplement with formula. Hearing the word formula sounded like a swear word to me...I always vowed I wouldn't formula feed. But we didn't have a choice my baby's health was at stake here.
Finally my LO was diagnosed with a tongue tie at 4 weeks that somehow went undetected at the hospital and my pediatrician. We had it revised and I was sure our problems were solved, however that was not the case. So, after 2 long months of trying literally everything...seeing a lactation consultant twice a week, using a hospital grade pump, taking fenugreek and blessed thistle, eating oats and drinking water until I'm practically drowning, using nipple shields, mothers milk tea, changing up my thyroid meds, even acupuncture...I've realized my milk supply just won't increase. I have hypothyroidism and am on a low dosage of meds, I even stopped taking them and still no luck. I've spent so much time crying over this and feeling inadequate as a woman and a mother. I've pumped until my nipples were bleeding only to get a measly ounce sometimes less...now it's to the point I can't even fill the bottom of the bottle. My baby has just turned two months and I know he got as much of my milk as I could give him. Now it's time to unchain myself from the pump and spend every moment of my last month of maternity leave with him. He is now on formula full time and I'm okay with that. He's finally gaining weight and is a happy, healthy baby. And since letting go in this situation, I feel a sense of relief and am much happier. We use Earths Best, and organic formula that I am very content with and he is doing well on it.
Bottom line...Fed is best. Breastfeeding is of course the most nutritional option for your baby but some of us women are just not able to produce it. The important thing is that our babies are fed, loved and cared for. I am just so blessed to have this sweet boy and refuse to spend one more minute being upset about this. Wishing you all the best of luck!
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