Anyone NOT want family at the hospital when you deliver?

Question

This is gonna be a long one, so I'm 17 & 31 weeks pregnant, my family all lost touch with me after I became pregnant, in May is when I got pregnant and I was already living with my boyfriend since January 2015 because I moved out of my parents because family problems and drama and I couldn't take it anymore, we still talked but barely, but in June when I announced to my family I'm pregnant (it wasn't planned) they were all happy, excited, rubbing my belly and telling me they would be there for me and help me out if I needed it, give me hand me downs, but then after that not one of them ever call or message me, they have me on FB but litteraly don't say a word to me or ask about the baby, don't ask me to go visit them or to come visit me (they know where I live too) about 3 weeks ago is when I had my baby shower, I threw myself one because no one offered to throw me one and I didn't  want to miss out because this is my first child and I wanted to celebrate, well I spent over 300$ on food and decorations and I only had 2 people out of my whole family show up... And 2 of my close friends... That's it. I invited my family like a month in advance and they all told me they can come but didn't even show up (I have a pretty big family too) . I was really hurt, anyways my family thinks they're all going to be around once the baby comes, and thinks there going to be there when I deliver and I don't want that... They haven't been here at all during my pregnancy and treated me as if I don't exist, I'm independent, I go to school (a school for teen mothers) and recieve government funding each month  (I'm only 17 working towards my diploma, & I'm almost there) an my boyfriend works, he's 20. We have our own home, have our own vehicle, my unborn daughter has her own bedroom right next door to us and we're already prepared, and have everything she needs already, we've honestly worked so hard to get where we are now and we did it on OUR own, my dad recently posted a status the other day saying he "can't wait to meet his grand daughter soon"Um he has litteraly ignored my fb messages and doesn't keep in touch with me? WHY do people think that they can just pop right up after the baby is born? When none of them wanted anything to do with me these past 8 months! UGH IT HURTS AND REALLY PISSES ME OFF! This goes for my whole family too, and my boyfriends family cause there basically doing the same thing as mine, now that I'm getting closer to delivery there trying to all be excited and come back in my life just because I'm getting close to birth, I don't know who I want at the hospital and I don't think I want any family there. If they want to see the baby so bad they can ask me and come visit at my home when I'm discharged. Am I wrong for doing this? Anyone else go through this? I think I only want my boyfriend there when I deliver. And if my family wants to throw a big fit about it then IDGAF, I'm making the rules!

Answer

I'm only having my husband in the room.

Answer

I understand completely. 
My husband and I live on the opposite side of the country from our families and it makes me extremely happy because they can't be at the hospital. To me, it should be time for the parents to bond with their baby and not everyone else, that's what you do when the parents get discharged, and the parents are okay with it. 
But our families have been begging me to either video chat or record the birth....like uh no? Even if we lived back home they wouldn't be there so you have no reason to see it through video. 
You don't have to let anyone see your child, some hospitals even ask for a list of people that are okay to visit, or they'll call you to make sure that person is allowed to visit.

Answer

At 18 weeks I had this conversation with my husband. He is the only one allowed in the room in addition he isn't allowed to call anyone until the baby is actually here ! If it is going to be speedy and no hospital stay is required I've asked him to wait until we are home to let family know the baby has arrived.

Answer

I totally hear you, I'm 26, been married for 5 years, together for almost 8. And I had one child before meeting my husband who is 6 now, and we are expecting our first child together in February. His family, aside from his father, are NOT welcome at the hospital. I don't even want them to meet my next child. They showed no interest in getting to know my son/his stepson for all these years. And I don't want to deal with any of them. But my father in lsw, I adore, he's an awesome grandparent and dad. My family will only be my twin sister, her husband, her kids, and my mother. My father isn't welcome either since he totally hates my husband and I've cut him off. I don't hear much from my own family. I'm only having a baby shower in hopes of getting some stuff, and bcuz my twin sister insisted on throwing one for me. But other than that, I don't want to really be around my family. I'm mostly inviting friends, not sure who will really show up anyway. But regardless, but husband and I are hoping for the best regardless of how much we will have to do on our own.

Answer

I don't have the same experience with family, but a lot of my 'friends' are exactly the same! They hadn't bothered to get in contact with me for months before I found out I was pregnant, and then all of a sudden they all promised to come see me all the time whilst I'm pregnant and then to help out when the babies come. Not a single one of these 'friends' have been to see me since I fell pregnant (I'm 31 weeks tomorrow) and some didn't even bother to turn up for my baby shower, and didn't even text or anything to say why.

You don't need inconsistent people like that in your life, and your baby won't need them either. You sound like you've done an amazing job with just your partner and I think you should keep it that way. If they get upset over you not wanting them there, it won't make any difference anyway as they haven't been there for you this whole time! Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and don't feel bad about hurting people's feelings, this is your baby and you do what feels right for you! 💕

Answer

Don't let them be there. Let the hospital know that you only want your boyfriend there with you during your delivery and stay. It's your baby, your body, your privacy, and your delivery to make the rules about. I am estranged from my father, LONG story there, and I will be making it known before I deliver, when I fill out the admitting paperwork ahead of time, and throughout my stay that he is not welcome anywhere near my child. I don't want him to know what my child even looks like and we are going as far as not letting anyone take pictures of her so they can't show him what she looks like. He will never know her, she will never know him, and she will be better off for never knowing the abusive, drug dealing, drug addicted, pill popping asshat that he is. At the end of the day, you call the shots honey. You do what's best for you and your baby. It may seem cold and cruel to some but imo your family and his were asking for it. Stay strong and lay down the law.

Answer

I am from france and my fiancé from Ireland.  We live in ireland and that is where I will deliver the baby. My mum and stepdad will be here around the time the baby is due. But I defo don't want my mum or anybody else at the hospital with me except my fiancé.  
Was just wondering what we would do after out of hospital, guessing that his and my parents would want to meet the baby but not too sure if we would go home or dropped by his parents'. But we will see on the day (still 8 weeks to go 😂).

From your story I think you are right. They don't need to be at the hospital. The better way is not to tell them when you Re going amd they can't show up. Announce the baby is born once you Re home and don't care anything about them and what you think they will do. You ll see how they will react.

Answer

I actually have been wanting to ask this, I DO NOT want my mother in law in the room when i give birth. I'm still debating if i want my mom, but definitely my SO. His mom has been going to all my appointments especially because my son's being monitored for a tumor in his little chest. Its her first grandbaby, so i understand the concern. But it's come to a point where she just invites herself. So i know she'll be trying to get herself in the room when i have my baby and i know my SO will make me feel bad about it. I hate things right now lol

Answer

🙋🏼 me! No one is allowed at the hospital with the exception of my husband. No one knows our due date either so they cannot just show up without being invited. We lost our son at ten days old last year, so we want time for ourselves before being bombarded.

Answer

I'm still trying to decide on if I want my mom in the room or not. My husband will for sure be there and we are thinking of just letting it be us because we want to go through it together but then again my mom could take pictures for us. But as far as the family goes about not wanting anything to do with you, Mine is the complete opposite. All of sudden now that I am pregnant family that I hardly even spoke to are popping up saying they want to baby sit and can't wait and blah blah blah. I am thankful for them all but it kinda makes me mad that they are just now showing up all because I am pregnant. Also, I am a stay at home wife right now and will be a stay at home mom as well so I don't need no one to baby sit for me! I don't think people are understanding that. But honey, if you don't feel comfy with them being there tell the nurses and they will put a note on that door that says they have to check in before going inside the room. Meaning when they check in the nurses at the desk will call you and ask if it's okay if such and such come back at that moment. :) good luck!

Anyone NOT want family at the hospital when you deliver?

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