were we unfair?

Question

So yesterday my partner and I took our 7 week old daughter to his grandparents cause his dad was in town.
Now, his dad is a smoker and is pretty frequent with how many he has.
She was in her pram cause she was asleep and when she woke up I got her out to gently rock her back to sleep
My partners dad mentioned about having a hold and my partner politely asked that he wash his hands and change his shirt before holding her due to his smelling strongly of cigarettes and we didn't want Thea smelling it
His dad decided to storm out of the room saying 'why don't I just have a whole bath just so I can hold my own bloody grandchild'
My partner went out after 15mins to go to talk to him and when he came back said his dad was carrying on saying things like 'there's chemicals in everything why is a cigarette any different' 'I'm gonna be doing garden work so I don't want to change just to get dirty again' and then to top it off said 'so when are you guys moving out to the bush to get away from all these 'chemicals' "
My partner basically ignored all the remarks and explained that the midwives had been pretty straight forward with secondhand cigarette smoke being linked to SIDS and if anyone in the family smoked to ask them wear a jacket and wash their hands before a hold (which they can't do as we have 40+ nearly everyday during summer)
His dad decided to keep carrying on and stayed outside for the rest of the visit so my partner came back inside and said if his dad carried on like that as Christmas lunch then we would just leave and he wouldn't get a hold 
During his rant, his dad mentioned that his ex wife used to let him hold their daughter after a smoke and never made him follow any rules (his daughter is now 7)
Were we being st all unreasonable about asking him to wash his hand and maybe change his shirt?
Mind you, he had just knocked off work and stuck like a sewage system anyway
We were polite in asking and explained why and he just decided to act like a 2 year old and crack a tantrum and go off at us when we have been nothing but accomodating in the past and this is basically the first request we've ever asked of him

Answer

No, you weren't unfair. That is YOUR child. Her health is in your interest. He was being as polite as one can be and that was his father's choice to get upset. It's not hard to change shirts and wash your hands. If that happened to me I wouldn't even care at all that he got mad.

Answer

I don't think you were unfair at all. Your baby's health is more important than his hurt feelings on this issue.

Answer

I ask the same thing of my father, and he washes his hands before holding my son, and has designated "baby shirts" (not smoked in) that he puts on before holding him. He doesn't complain and 100% understands. When I was a baby my parents were heavy smokers around us, yet now he still respects my wishes and doesn't say it's unnecessary.

Your FIL seriously over reacted. Stick to your guns and hopefully he will come around. He make kick up a fuss at the start, but he will settle down eventually.

Answer

Absolutely not. I have the same issue. My mother has smoked my whole life (I'm 26) and I asked her to not smoke around me while I was pregnant over the summer. She was pissed and didn't speak to me for four days. Like it was some kind of personal attack on her that I wanted to protect myself and my baby from those chemicals. My father's excuse with the smoking was that my brother and I are "fine" having grown up around it. They assumed that we were going to keep her from holding her granddaughter. My mother is a bit dramatic.

After that she started smoking outside and washing her hands when she comes back in. We live close to them and go over almost every weekend and have to wash everything when we get home, no matter how late it is, to get the smell out of our clothes, the car seat, and whatever else we brought over.

I really wish we didn't have to deal with it 😔

Answer

Tell him do his research 
https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/

Answer

You did the right thing. My son is now 13 months and my mom refused to come and see her only grandchild because I wouldn't bring him to her house because everyone smokes inside. Not my problem and not my loss, it's hers.

Answer

Not sure if anyone's still reading but second update:
His dad carried on again and was saying that after like 10mind the smoke isn't in the clothes anymore and it should be safe to hold her if he washes his hands and waits a while 
He said he looked it up and the risk is minimal in clothing and it's considering 'third hand smoke' as it's not directly in front of her
I feel like if we go back on our rule now and allow him to wait and then hold he'll just think he got his way by acting like a two year old and trying to make us feel guilty for making our own decision for our daughter

Answer

No, it's not. We do this with our daughter. It's not fair of him to risk your kid's health.

Answer

So here's an update
His dad texted and told us to look up the msds's for deodorants and other household things and said they can more damaging than smoke on clothes and it wouldn't pass to our baby from just clothing 
He also said he'll help where he can but he's not going to change for anyone 
My partner even said he made everyone feel uncomfortable when he had his outburst but his dad said us asking him to wash his hands ect made him feel like a bad grandparent/parent and he basically just tried to make us feel bad I think 
We've decided to limit the time we were going to spend with him on Xmas now too just because of his behaviour

Answer

If he would've just done what you asked he could've held her. It's his problem he has to act like a child.

were we unfair?

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