something's wrong with me
My boyfriend did something that made me question the trust and honesty in our relationship, but we're still together. I still get sad and sometimes cry about it, and his solution to it was to ignore my feelings about it and not talk about it so that I'll forget about it. It made me sad, but we tried it... I guess it seems to be working from his perspective, but definitely not from mine. We had sex, but I didn't want to, but I knew he wanted to, so I acted like I was into it, and he doesn't know that I didn't want it. He asked me to suck his dick as a Christmas present, and even though I really don't want to, I'm still going to.
He's sweet to me though. The laughs we have and the smiles are genuine and I love him. Besides, I feel like I sorta deserve these things that are happening since it's like every time I try to talk about how I feel I always end up causing problems, so I guess this is what I deserve for starting relationship drama.
I've been having the urge to cut myself with all these built up emotions, but me being stupid has actually prevented that since I can't take the razor out of the sharpener after trying multiple times. I'm so unhappy with myself and what happened... I know I'm just overreacting though, I always overreact. I guess I'm just doing this all to myself, I can't blame him, all of it is my fault really, from the start to now. What do I do?
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