Ever feel like you're a second choice?

I swear that's all I ever am.. just someone to fuck until someone better comes along. I know it's my mistake for choosing the wrong guys, they just seem to say the right things? Idk. I've had the chance to have good relationships with nice guys there just doesn't seem to be a spark if that makes any sense. Like I can't force myself to like someone, I want the butterfly's in your stomachs; getting excited over a simple text kind of feeling it's just rare for me to find and everytime I do they just end up screwing me over.. I've only dated a few guys but every last one cheated on me.. the last guy I dated was over a year ago; he was cheating on me for 3 months and then got the chick pregnant. I just starting hanging out with this guy I like a couple months ago and recently just had sex with him because I'm and idiot I guess.. he likes someone else. I just feel so disgusting I literally hate myself so much I don't know why I make these choices.. it'd just be nice to be good enough for once. Idk