My boyfriend doesnt love me because im fat 😒

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We met at a low point in my life. I was going out and drinking and smoking at only 17 years old im 18 now. And i never liked any of that but i did it because i at a point in life where i didnt give a fuck about anything.

Now it has been a whole year and he told me the other day i dobt want to be with you unless your skinny. We have broken up so many times and im the one who tries to be ok with him. Im like his puppy i feel like if u dont everything he says he'll end up leaving me. And altho ny family tells me to get out of the relationship i cant i feel so empty inside. And he has been the one who always breaks up with me. I have hurt myself as in cut myself because im not skinny. I have asked myself if i was skinny would he treat me better would he actually love me.

I have gone to the gym and i have tried but its just not in me. He has kicked me out of the apartment. So many times. And i honestly just feel like shit i dont feel like im good enough for him. And i have learned to tell myself i deserve everything he says to me. Because when he has dropped me off at my mothers housr im the one who calls and text him and tell him sorry for what i have done.

He has broken up with me because i straighten my hair he likes my hair curly. I want to be with him despite everything he has said to me. I dont know why im so scared to lose someone so toxic. Someone who has brought me to where i cant even look at myself in a mirror because i feel so disgusted with myself.

I have stayed with him because i feel like he is going to treat me better. But he has told me before that he wont love me unless i lose the weight. And i feel like if i get into any other relationship they will feel the same.

I dont feel comfy showering infront of him or even hugging hin because i dont want mt stomach touching him and him moving away or telling me to turn around. I feel like pure shit. Depressed but i feel like i cant leave from this relatiobship.