Home / Community / Love & Sex

my boyfriend wants me to have no communication with my ex

Lucy • Fri, Dec 23

Hi, I'm Lucy. I am a 21 year old college student and dancer. I am in a fabulous relationship with someone a bit older than me. We are very romantic with each other. It's very loving and I could not be happier. Every day I love and respect and admire him more!

My first serious relationship lasted for one and a half years. And in the end, I broke up with him for mistreating me in the relationship (yelling at me, slamming doors/throwing things, making inconsiderate choices and saying many awful things to my dad in an argument). He pressured me into doing some sexual things that I was not really comfortable with and made me late for school/work for starting sex and begging me to stay until he finished. I often felt that to him, his orgasm was not only more important than my orgasm. It was more important than my education!! No values or respect! He also yelled at my family last Easter and disrespected/swore at my mother and my oldest brother. I'll just point out now that I am the only daughter and I have four older brothers. I am the baby of the family. :/

I broke up with him then. The bizarre thing was that it was still one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make. Why was that?? We were actually best friends and we shared a lot of interests. It was a very real love. We took many trips and gave many kisses and cuddles. And I really was convinced that he and I shared the same values. I never really thought it was so bad until I became so angry with him last Easter, and my true feelings toward him came out at once! My friends agreed however that it was always pretty bad. They just didn't realize how bad. They played a part inhelping me break up with him (advice/comfort/venting).

Roughly seven months have passed since last Easter, right? Maybe eight?? That's a long time in my life. I have nearly forgotten about him, except for when he sometimes messages me on Facebook. It usually upsets my mood for the whole day and to be honest, I sometimes want to talk to him. I feel shameful and no respect for myself at all when I talk to him.

He was truly a selfish partner and a rude, coward who I do not respect anymore.

So, anyway, I have now met someone truly loving and trustworthy. He is an excelllent communicator, lovely personality, and respect for me and his family/ my family!! And recently, my ex-boyfriend messaged me and I responded. I told my current partner about it and now he is very angry with my ex. They don't talk FYI and have never seen each other irl. I have told my ex not to get in contact with me. I told him I need boundaries. He is not listening. And when he talks to me, I forget what he has done to me. It's horrible! My boyfriend says that this behavior is blatantly disrespectful to me and I don't deserve it.

What should I say to him that will make him understand? Should I just block him on all social media? Should I tell his mom? Also, am I totally crazy for wanting to talk to him even when it hurts me or makes me sad. It is not fair to my partne to talk with my ex, because I have cried to him about what my ex did to me. I vented to my partner about my ex and he was so understanding and supportive!! I love him to death! How can I make this work out in my favor and show fairness to my boyfriend?

These photos below are of my current boyfriend!!