long ass Rant

About a year ago I met this guy when I was at the beach. I never really seen him before, but he told me we go to the same school. That day we talked for about one-to-two hours and then it was time to go. A week later I saw him walking the halls at our school and he said hi, I just smiled. I didn't really think nothing of him because he wasn't really part of my life. Then about a month or so later he found me on Instagram and we started talking again, it didn't take me very long to realize that this guys is the biggest flirt ever and that he also needs to get over himself, but for some reason at the time, I kinda liked him. After continuous messaging I asked him if he had a crush on anyone and he said yes, this senior that went to our school, he also told me that she liked him back, but he's to shy to ask. Me, being the supportive friend that I am, encouraged him to just ask because the worst that could happen is she saying no (which would never happen). So he did end up asking her and of course she said yes and all was good. Until he didn't stop his flirtatious pursuits and continued to talk to me... he was the first guy I have ever sent pictures to of my body… I don't regret it, but I kinda wish I did things differently. So we had our thing for a bit and then he and the girl broke up and me and him stopped talking... for a little bit. Another month goes by and he texts me again... but now we are kinda more used to each other so he doesn't take his time in flirting and asking for pictures. Of course I oblige and, me being me, I asked for some from him. He sent me pictures of his abs and what not and our "friendship" went on like this for a while. Then, like all things, we stopped talking, but only for a bit. A little bit later we start up again, but the vibe is different, it's not just thoughtless flirting, but it was as if he was actually meaning what he said. I'd wake up to texts like "Hey my beautiful fairy princess😍😘" and what not. And go to sleep with "goodnight you sexy beast😍😍😘" to say that this was a step up is an understatement. And the weirdest thing was that I felt... happy. Like I was genuinely happy to be getting this type of attention, it made me feel amazing! We'd meet in between classes and talk and laugh, but no one really knew that we even knew each other, but I didn't care because I was happy with the way things were going. Then he started asking when things can get more "serious" and I said things like "probably never because I don't just have sex with guys who aren't my boyfriend" and he's reply with "do you want that?" And I'd try to make it seem like I wasn't really interested in him like that because I was afraid he wouldn't feel the same so I told him "I don't know, I don't really enjoy being in a relationship" and that was the end of that conversation. We still flirted, but it wasn't the same. Eventually it returned to that same intensity, but he was slow to reply... one day I asked if he has any crushes and he told me he was talking to a girl he really liked but he wanted to take it slow. I asked who it was, already having a hunch it was this girl who me and him talked about, and he told me not to worry about it. So we continued our flirting till he asked when he could come over... I told him probably never since my parents won't allow it unless you're my boyfriend... he told me that he was sorry and that I was too late cause he already like someone else. Trust me, I was kinda, really hurt, but it was my fault for caring... actually that was the first and last time I ever cried over a boy... but nevertheless... we still continued talking, because I'm stupid... he does eventually end up coming over and that's because we told my parents he was my bf.. I wouldn't let him do anything so all we did was hang out and joke around in my room till we took him home.... a week goes by and we don't talk... next thing I know he's with that girl we talked about... two-to-three months go by and it's summer and I'm pretty happy... I haven't talked to him and he hasn't said much to me. But one night I was kinda missing him... so I dm him and ask "are we still friends?" And he replies "of course". Looking back in this I see I'm really stupid and naive... but oh wells, I was young and lacked knowledge. After that we kept talking and then he started to get to friendly... and so I asked "what about your girlfriend?" And he told me that she's leaving to the mainland after summer and that they were gonna break up... surprisingly I was really happy about this news because I thought I was over his ass. After that we talked on and off again and eventually we kinda merged into a weird friendship... Halloween night was the night our "friendship" sorta hit a different level... let me just tell you that me and this guy are like best friends with benefits... we are completely comfortable with each other in every way, he's seen my body and I've seen his. And we aren't embarrassed to do embarrassing things in front of each other. But on Halloween night... things changed. We kinda got a little tipsy and a little high, but I could still think right... we went off together and I lost my virginity… I don't regret it, mostly because it was with someone I love... but he doesn't know that, that was my first time. We continue to talk and meet up again a week later and do the deed again... we talk on and off again, but I kinda started blowing him off whenever he wanted to "hangout" that's what we called it. I started giving out reasons on why I can't hangout and so he stopped asking, sort of. We still talked, but usually it's him asking about this chick he likes, who is one of my friends, or it's me telling him stuff he needs to fix. We are still really close friends and he still asks to "hangout"... but I try to cut it off as much as possible because... well I feel like I really like him... he makes me happy and we can be real together... we've passed all that goofy awkward stuff and now we have a really good relationship.... but I know he'll never feel the same and that makes me sad... but I'm glad I at least get to take part in his life... at least I get to have some type of relationship with him.