Falling out of Love

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I've always felt desperate for his attention and hours felt like days away from him. We would always communicate via call, message or see eachother in person. The main thing was he'd always try his best for me and I'd do the same. My grandma, who I was very close with passed away this year along with continuous family issues and deaths which resulted in me becoming depressed. Since then I haven't purely felt the same about him despite trying to. I distanced myself from him and didn't want that attention that he offered. One way we have always connected was through our shared sense of humour, but I no longer find what he does funny. I get irritated by everything he does and the fact he doesn't stop when I ask. I get annoyed that he doesn't seem to care about not speaking to me anymore, the communication we once had is gone. I get annoyed that he pokes fun at me and my insecurities and then wonders why I'm so insecure. He drives me crazy how he can do things that I can't. That he has WORK while I just have "work" how I'm "dumb" because I can't do basic mathematics, yet he wonders why I downgrade my ability. How he says I bitch about people despite them being so rude to me, and him picking their side saying I over-reacted. I just don't feel that connection there anymore and I don't feel like he tries for me. I don't like how he picks on what I want to do as an adult and my ambitions and plans ahead. I don't feel good enough. I don't miss the time I don't see him for, and I no longer look at him and envision a future. I don't feel Inlove but I'm scared to leave and be alone. He doesn't offer what I want but I don't know what I do want. He's my first love. But he makes me so insecure and mentally unstable.