New year, new depression


This may be a long read.

Haven't been feeling the greatest today. Depressed is a strong word but I'm just going to use it for right now.

Six hours away from the new year and I'm sitting in my bed wondering if I should even go out to see my parents tonight.

Some quick backstory: I'm 20, been dating my bf for 5.5 years. Discovered clubbing and drinking this year, as much as my bf always disapproved. It's been a rocky year of me getting new friends and my bf continuously being disappointed in me. I made two new best guy friends which he didn't like either. Fast forward, I got fired from my retail job back in October for shitty performance, whatever. One of the guys helped me get my first "real" job at a banks corporate office in November and I'm finally feeling successful.

And now..

My sister disapproves of my friends. My family doesn't think I'm headed in the right direction. And my boyfriend hasn't shown me any affection for a month now. My bf is in another city with his family. And he and my family all think I should have gone with him, but he got five days off, and I got two,so I couldn't go. But everyone has scolded me for not requesting the days off, but I had already tried to book off a random day months in advance and got rejected because I'm on probation at work, so obviously I couldn't even begin to think about asking for an extra 3 days off within a month of working there.

So now my bf is sending me messages that are making me cry. Starting to rethink my new best friends. Don't even want to be with my family tonight because my sister will be there and she ruined the day for me as well.

I don't know what to do.. I think I just need a pep talk or a hug..