I'm tired. I'm so tired. I've never been this tired or exhausted or hopeless as a working mom in my entire life. I'm 27 years old and I feel like nothing is working out the way it should be. I have 2 gorgeous girls (7 and 3), I'm an RN, in a field that I love, and I've been married for 6 years together almost 8. I should be happy. 

It all started falling apart in November of 2015. I had a great job, I'm a labor and delivery RN for a rural hospital. My job at that time was amazing. I worked with a group of girls that were supportive of each other. I felt happy, so happy and since I was settled and happy in my job I decided I wanted another baby. I am an only child, and I hated that growing up. So when my husband and I were dating we talked about how many children we wanted. I told him I wanted 3-4. He never disagreed. Never said oh no, I just want 2 nothing. So in September I went to him and talked about having another baby. After discussion for a few weeks we decided to go for it. I was ecstatic. I was so happy. We tried for 2 months. I told all my friends and my close family that we were going to. I had plans and dreams for this baby that was to come. And then at the end of November 2015 he tells me that he's decided he doesn't want another baby and that he doesn't want to try anymore and isn't going to change his mind. I was devastated. I mean totally devastated. I work in labor and delivery, I see babies born every shift. It's hard. Since then I can't even look at him the same. I can't be happy. I feel incomplete and he doesn't even care. So A few months ago he asked me why I was so distant and unhappy and I was honest and told him how I felt. He basically told me I just needed to get over it. So I told him that if he didn't want another baby then it would probably be best if we just got divorced because we obviously wanted different things in life. So he told me to give him a little bit to decide. A few days ago out of the blue he tells me that the reason he doesn't want another baby is because it will be too hard on him. I work nights and he would have to get up in the night while I work. 

With the last 2 I was in school. I worked my ass off. He never got up in the night, I did. And then I got up in the morning, took them to the babysitter and went to class/clinicals, came home, did homework, and then started over the next day. I know what hard it. I went to school for 6 years. And now that I am finally in this place to where I have my career I worked so hard for and want to have another baby so I can actually enjoy it this time instead of being stressed about school he decides it's too hard for him. It was like a slap in the face. 

And on top of that, I want to get a divorce but they just took 3$ an hour from us at work and are making us take more call and work a crazy schedule and I can't afford a divorce if I work that job so I'm trying to find something else. I just feel like my whole life is falling apart at 27. I'm so depressed. I want to be a good mom to my girls but I feel like my current marriage and job have me so stressed out all I do is cry. I had to start talking blood pressure medicine because my blood pressure at work one time was 170/112. I just needed to vent.