Scared to test and ranting

N • Beautiful Nikolai born 12/29/17 👶💙 Lucca born 1/13/21🌻 In love and feeling myself 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦
I'm absolutely terrified to test because I don't want to see a negative. I really hate the feeling of disappointment. I kind of just want to wait for a missed period... But I also want to be on top of things if I am and be planning out what to do next? Aghhh. This is all ridiculous and I'm frustrated and the stupid roads are too snowy and icy to be driven on for me to get more tests and I only have one test left! I keep thinking that I for sure am pregnant and then the things I've been feeling have lessened for the last two days so now I'm terrified. My apologies for the ramble, my SO is at work and I've really got no one to talk to about this.