I am 16 years old and I have had a rough past.. currently my mother and step father are getting a divorce..I just recently started talking to my biological father who is extremely Christian...I have been struggling with believing in God..I don't know what came over me but tonight something hit me and I started thinking to myself that I needed to find him..I have no idea how or what I am doing..my boyfriend has a religious friend and I went to him asking what I should do and he said he would talk to me in the morning..I really wanna get my life on track and I have heard how people have had changed lives once they accepted Jesus into their heart...I haven't ever told my family that I didn't necessarily believe because that would get me kicked out of my family..I just haven't figured out why God would allow his children to suffer..I do believe that he is real..I just don't know if he believes in me...I really wanna find God and get my life in order and be happy again because I didn't used to be this way and I have no idea how to go about fixing it..I cannot go into churches because of my past...the last time I went into a church I had a panic attack...I figured that because I can't handle being in a church because I was so messed up in the head that I was never gonna find God and that I would be unhappy forever...can someone help me?