I used to hate pumping, because I felt it ruled my life. I couldn't go out or somewhere far because of the pumping schedules/commitments. But, I sucked it up for my baby boy, because "they" say breast milk is best for baby.

From the start I had low milk supply, so my son was fed primarily formula and supplemented with breast milk. As he got older and started eating more, my milk supply just couldn't keep up. So initially I thought about only pumping for 3 months.

Then I read somewhere that it's best to breast feed for at least 6 months, so I continued pumping. But, my milk supply started plummeting. It was gradual, and I was mad that I didn't even notice it. By the time I noticed, my milk supply had already depleted about 50%.

Then I tried the hospital-grade breast pump. The Rolls Royce of breast pumps, as we were once told in one of the classes we attended, also one that is not covered by my insurance. Anyway, I wanted the best for my son, so I tried it.

It would take up to 10 days for the supply to go up, I was told, and that if by then it doesn't, it probably is not going to change. That was what happened to me - my milk supply did not increase.

So comes the hard decision to stop pumping, because I've had put much effort into pumping since day 1 with very little results, and it was just not worth it anymore. So I started cutting down pumping sessions gradually, as I was instructed to do.

Ever since the beginning of all this I have always felt inadequate for not being able to produce enough milk for my baby. And with this now coming to an end I am feeling extremely, extremely depressed. I feel as though I'm now of "no use" to my baby.