I will find happiness again.

A pain you couldn't describe unless you have experienced it. My best description on miscarriage. It doesn't end when you stop bleeding. Nor when you get your first period after miscarriage. No one understands fully. Everyday I am reminded in some way that I would have another child in my life. Friends on Facebook announce pregnancies and gender reveals while I am stuck trying to figure out why I can't get pregnant again. Peeing on a stick and praying that when that due date month arrives I will be carrying a new life inside me. Being disappointed month after month that I have failed to conceive. Disappointed enough that I am physically anxious at the thought of that month arriving and yet again being disappointed. I promised myself I would be happy for the five families I know bringing babies into the world the same month my due date was. I will be happy for them but I will also mourn my butterfly baby, and I will make a promise that I will not let what has happened change the optimism in my heart. I will have happiness again.