Here is my problem. I have never had a normal outlook about sex. I was raised that sex is for the male NOT the female. On top of the I was raped and molested when I was younger. So basically sex to me was what, when, and how the guy wanted. Porn and toys were ment for single people or if you are bored with your partner.

Long story short I was getting over that until an ex of mine chose porn over me and told me I could never satisfy a man. I am ugly and fat and no guy would want me and porn was way more enjoyable.

Now I am in a different relationship and he has gotten me to open up a little but I still have major issues.

He loves porn: I am trying to be excepting of it but I fear that I won't be good enough for him. He has pictures on his phone and he looks at it sometimes with me and other times not.

My Main issue is I opened up to him and told him things that I though were weird but wanted to try. Since then it seems that he is pushing me away.

Even before that our sex life changed for the worse. He seems to be more worried about him not me like he used to. I fear he is cheating on me. And now when we have sex it seems like it is forced or rushed and I don't know how to fix it.

So here is my question: How can I communicate with him about sex without feeling ashamed? Is porn normal? How to get past fears