struggling with a missed miscarriage

Monica • 👼🏼 👼🏼🌈 👶🏼
We found out in the middle of November we were four months pregnant with our first bundle of joy. My first two pre-natal appointments went well. My blood work at 6.5 weeks came back with great numbers. My doctor tried to hear the heartbeat at just under 10 weeks and couldn't hear anything. She wasn't worried but it worried me. So I went to a private ultrasound place here to hear the heartbeat. Unfortunately since my uterus is tilted nothing could be seen at 11 weeks. I came back at 12 weeks and still nothing could be seen, and was told it's not looking good. At 12 weeks the fetus should be taking up most of the uterus and that I was most likely having a missed miscarriage. 
The next day I went to my doctor who tried to find the heartbeat again with no luck. I am now waiting on an emergency ultrasound which will most likely happen next week. Where we will go, to most likely hear that devastating news, no one wants to hear. 
All I can think about is how hard it feels right now... that it's only going to get worse. Hearing those words and still having to convince my body it isn't pregnant, so that it lets go of this little baby my husband and I want so badly. I have had no cramping, no spotting, no bleeding. My breasts are so sore still and my food aversions to my old favourite foods are still going strong, I feel my body is more confused than my head. 
It's one of those times you need to be stronger than you thought you were.