assessing our finances and thinking it's a terrible idea to keep trying right now. live in a 1b apt (can't afford to upgrade), J can't find a better paying (or closer to us) job and I'm newly self employed (took over a business after the death of my boss)... but also wanting a baby now more than ever. I'm going to be 33 in April and believe I've put my wants on hold for long enough. I've always had ideas of exactly what I wanted, but have had to shift for someone else... when I say something, it's always "I know. I'm sorry" but no real change in approach or behavior

this only skims the surface of my thoughts since the holidays. not necessarily looking for feedback; just trying to sort through things. venting a bit. trying to find the words to express to my husband. I do want him to understand the pressure I feel, but don't want to be harsh about it. I know I can be mean. heh I'm a professional counselor and yet such a bitch

thanks for trying to follow this ramble...

*update* conversation went well. we both agree that never is the right time. so we're going to figure it out, but not pausing ttc